Hilarious Bloopers From Church Bulletins

The Horn

BANNED
Banned
These are from actual church bulletins around the country :

Boy Scouts are saving aluminium cans and other items to be
recycled . Proceeds will be used to cripple children .
Evening massage - 6 P.M.
The audience is requested to remain seated until the the recession .
Today's sermon : How much can a man drink ? With hymns from a full choir .
Bertha Belch , a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial church in Racine. at 7 . Come and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa .
Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowler .
Bring your own hot dogs and guns .
The low self esteem group will meet Thursday at 2 P.M. Please use the back door .
Ushers will eat latecomers .
The rose bud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of
David Alan Belzer, the sin of Reverend and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost
of the new carpet . All those wishing to do something on the carpet will do so .
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to lay an egg on the altar .
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south & north ends of the church . Children will be baptized at both ends .
Pot luck supper : Prayer and medication to follow .
Remember to pray for the many who are sick of our church .
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday .
The pastor is on vacation . Massages may be given to the church secretary .

Yikes ! LOL !!!
 

The Horn

BANNED
Banned
Sorry : Should read "The audience is requested to remain seated until the end of the recession ". My bad .
 

bybee

New member
These are from actual church bulletins around the country :

Boy Scouts are saving aluminium cans and other items to be
recycled . Proceeds will be used to cripple children .
Evening massage - 6 P.M.
The audience is requested to remain seated until the the recession .
Today's sermon : How much can a man drink ? With hymns from a full choir .
Bertha Belch , a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial church in Racine. at 7 . Come and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa .
Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowler .
Bring your own hot dogs and guns .
The low self esteem group will meet Thursday at 2 P.M. Please use the back door .
Ushers will eat latecomers .
The rose bud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of
David Alan Belzer, the sin of Reverend and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost
of the new carpet . All those wishing to do something on the carpet will do so .
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to lay an egg on the altar .
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south & north ends of the church . Children will be baptized at both ends .
Pot luck supper : Prayer and medication to follow .
Remember to pray for the many who are sick of our church .
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday .
The pastor is on vacation . Massages may be given to the church secretary .

Yikes ! LOL !!!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
I absolutely howled out loud over this post!
:chuckle:
 

Town Heretic

Out of Order
Hall of Fame
Unrelated to church, but a newspaper misprint that had me smiling:
"Missippi's literacy program shows improvement".
 

Eeset

.
LIFETIME MEMBER
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