TOL EXCLUSIVE! New Global Crisis Emerges.

Nathon Detroit

New member
TOL EXCLUSIVE!

<img src="http://www.theologyonline.com/hell_warming.jpg" alt="HIGH" border="2">​

We have all heard about Global Warming and how devastating it's effects are to our environment, but Global Warming isn't the only environmental threat of our generation.

"Hell Warming" is a documented phenomenon that has scientists all of the world extremely concerned. Apparently there has been a unprecedented amount of fuel being added to the fires of hell thereby warming it up to temperatures higher than ever before. Just how hot can hell get? What will happen if Hell gets too hot? Is there anything we can do to slow down Hell Warming? All of these questions and more will be discussed at the first annual "Hell Warming" global summit to be held in Finland's capital city this summer. The summit entitled Hell Is Getting Hotter, or "HIGH" is expecting world wide media attention and thousands of attendees.

Self proclaimed Hell expert and lake of fire biologist Hienrich Sminggee stated.... "there is just too many souls being thrown on to the fires of hell.... the rate of combustible fuel being transported to hell each year is at an all time high and something must be done before its too late."

Interestingly enough unlike global warming which is predominately blamed on capitalism and conservatives "Hell Warming" is being blamed on primarily on liberalism. Apparently liberalism, secular humanism, the gay rights movement, pro-choice advocates and other left wing advocacy groups are having a noticeable effect on the overall "condemned souls" to "saved souls" ratio on planet earth. It seems the numbers of condemned and therefore hell-bound souls have dramatically increased over the past few years and it is having a measurable effect on the overall temperature in hell. It is this rise in temperature "hell warming" that is causing such concern among scientists world-wide. Some have even speculated that Global Warming itself is simply a side-effect of Hell warming.

When asked what might happen if the rate of fuel being sent to hell doesn't slow-down or stabilize within the next hundred years or so, one anonymous scientist said.... "I don't know, it's impossible to say at this point. Maybe all hell will break lose?"

It isn't clear if the global summit on hell warming will include a request for more government funded research into the problem of hell warming or if the conference will be simply be a way to bring concerned scientists together for future planning on the issue. "It isn't our intention to scare the world about hell warming, we aren't going to be preaching 'fire and brimstone', errrr.... well maybe we are, in a way.... I guess. Nevermind" stated Blem Targ a renowned scientists from in institute of W.H.D.H. (Why is Hell so Damned Hot?)

There was a time when folks jokingly stated that hell might freeze over! Those phrases have now melted in the heat of this dramatic and emerging crisis.
 
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The Berean

Well-known member
I think every liberal, agnostic, atheist, pro abortion-murder supporter, and same sex marriage advocate at TOL should attend this most important summit.
 

Flipper

New member
So the message here is that global warming doesn't exist and neither does hell?

Works for me! :chuckle:
 

novice

Who is the stooge now?
Flipper said:
So the message here is that global warming doesn't exist and neither does hell?

Works for me! :chuckle:
Actually, I think the message would be...

Hell Warming is a joke, as is global warming.
 

genuineoriginal

New member
novice said:
Actually, I think the message would be...

Hell Warming is a joke, as is global warming.
Maybe the message is that too many people are looking at Global Warming as is it mattered and not enough people are looking at Hell because they think it doesn't matter.
 

Quasar1011

New member
Knight said:
All of these questions and more will be discussed at the first annual "Hell Warming" global summit to be held in Finland's capital city this summer. The summit entitled Hell Is Getting Hotter, or "HIGH" is expecting world wide media attention and thousands of attendees.

Wonder why it's being held in Helsinki? :doh:
 

Aimiel

New member
Knight said:
When asked what might happen if the rate of fuel being sent to hell doesn't slow-down or stabilize within the next hundred years or so, one anonymous scientist said.... "I don't know, it's impossible to say at this point. Maybe all hell will break lose?"
:chuckle:

Logos_X, Red77 and several others are already planning their counter-demonstration and buying their airline tickets to Finland. :chuckle:
 

Aimiel

New member
I passed Logos' house the other day, and saw the posters in his garage, "Hell? No, we won't go!!!"
 

Gerald

Resident Fiend
Amusing article said:
Self proclaimed Hell expert and lake of fire biologist Hienrich Sminggee stated.... "there is just too many souls being thrown on to the fires of hell.... the rate of combustible fuel being transported to hell each year is at an all time high and something must be done before its too late."

Interestingly enough unlike global warming which is predominately blamed on capitalism and conservatives "Hell Warming" is being blamed on primarily on liberalism. Apparently liberalism, secular humanism, the gay rights movement, pro-choice advocates and other left wing advocacy groups are having a noticeable effect on the overall "condemned souls" to "saved souls" ratio on planet earth. It seems the numbers of condemned and therefore hell-bound souls have dramatically increased over the past few years and it is having a measurable effect on the overall temperature in hell.
This is a strong indictment that you guys aren't doing your job. :chuckle:
 
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