ARCHIVE: My Own Story

[bibliophile1954]

If I may be allowed, I would like to tell you about myself. I was raised a Catholic for the first 18 years of my life. The kind of Catholic where we were "ingrained" with the belief that (in regard to the oposite sex), that if we even LOOKED at a girl, we were going to Hell! Than I had become a "believer", (by accepting Jesus as my Lord & Savior.). Like the Catholics, I was once again, ingrained with the "guilt trip", namely "IF MAN LOOKS AT A WOMAN WITH LUST IN HIS HEART, HE HATH ALREADY COMMITED ADULTRY!" When I entered the real world, I had had o% experience with women-still a virgin at 23. I met a girl at a job that I had, & made the mistake of telling her that I was still a virgin. That was all she needed! She used me like a bull with a ring through his nose-always making it seem that I would get to have sex with her, although she had no intention of that! When she "dumped" me, I was totally devestated! It is because of what happened all those years ago, that I am still a virgin. I haven't been out on a date in over 20 years. This was also the reason I gave up on God, because I couldn't believe that a loving God could let something like this happen to me! My only life's philosophy now is what I talked about in my thread-DO WE REALLY HAVE A CHOICE? Whatever happens is meant to happen, because if it wasn't meant to happen, it wouldn't! If this is existance, you can have it! This is why every day I go on, I keep hoping to die, because I no longer want to live! At least I now have a place where people DO think that my opinions matter, & at least for that I am grateful! But I can't EVER go back to believing is God again.

 

[1013]

did you stop believing very soon after that incident?

Bib, the notion that everything that happens is apart of God's plan may have a grip on much of the tradition but there is much of the tradition that goes against this and there is considerable biblical evidence against it.

We live in a cursed world where indeed things happen that a loving God is not behind.

 

[temple2006]

Maybe someday you will be able to see that everything that happens is not some kind of sentence but an opportunity. You are co-dependent , my friend, upon the wrong thing. Peace.

 

[GraceInMe]

I am so sorry that stuff happened to you 1954. On behalf of the female population I would like to apologize to you. So often people do cruel things to others, without thinking of the consequences. I know that it really hurt. I can offer you the comfort of knowing that God was hurting right along with you. Free will for man comes at such a high price, but in the long run is worth it. I hope that some day you will see that it was man and not God.

 

[Neo Tobiah]

bibliophile

Get over yourself man. Grow up. You sould like a confused 18 year old kid. If you choose to live in darkness, there's nothing I can do about it. I'd probably just get slammed in a thread for trying to "ingraine" you. I hope this doesn't sound hostile or mean, this is the most loving words I can think to say right now.

Wake up you fool!

 

[1013]

I'd also like to add to my comment that though God may not have been responsible for your tragedy, he can bring something good out of it.

It very well may not be too late for you to get married, and if you don't, Paul says that there are advantages to being single, and if you give this to God, he may use these advantages for a good end pleasing both to yourself and him.

I also agree with graceinme. God greives with us. It was his tragedy as well.

 

[1013]

I just read Neo Tobiah's post, and I don't know if what he wrote is good, but then again, it may very well be the thing that you need to hear bib.

 

[bibliophile1954]

Originally posted by Neo Tobiah
bibliophile

Get over yourself man. Grow up. You sould like a confused 18 year old kid. If you choose to live in darkness, there's nothing I can do about it. I'd probably just get slammed in a thread for trying to "ingraine" you. I hope this doesn't sound hostile or mean, this is the most loving words I can think to say right now.

Wake up you fool!

Let me just ask you something, Neo. are you still celibate? How long were you celibate before you had your first sexual experience? Do you REALLY have any idea of what it's like to never having had the oppurtunity to kiss, hug, or even touch a girl? Try living a a college town, where everyday you see couples together & know that you will never know what is is like to be in their shoes! I thank the fates for "solo-sex', because it is the only thing still holding me together right now! (SEE THREAD AOUT WHAT'S REALLY WRONG ABOUT SOLO SEX?) I have thought about suicide more than two dozen times over all these years. Yes, I did see someone for this, & while she was a great help, the thoughts still remain. Try having all your younger siblings find love, & you're left out in the cold. Try being alone for all these years, & maybe then you might understand how I feel! I see you are going to get married. Congratulations. Treasure what you will have & know, & be grateful that you will never be in my shoes!

 

[anna]

Re: My Own Story

Re: My Own Story

Originally posted by bibliophile1954
If I may be allowed, I would like to tell you about myself. I was raised a Catholic for the first 18 years of my life. The kind of Catholic where we were "ingrained" with the belief that (in regard to the oposite sex), that if we even LOOKED at a girl, we were going to Hell! Than I had become a "believer", (by accepting Jesus as my Lord & Savior.). Like the Catholics, I was once again, ingrained with the "guilt trip", namely "IF MAN LOOKS AT A WOMAN WITH LUST IN HIS HEART, HE HATH ALREADY COMMITED ADULTRY!" When I entered the real world, I had had o% experience with women-still a virgin at 23. I met a girl at a job that I had, & made the mistake of telling her that I was still a virgin. That was all she needed! She used me like a bull with a ring through his nose-always making it seem that I would get to have sex with her, although she had no intention of that! When she "dumped" me, I was totally devestated! It is because of what happened all those years ago, that I am still a virgin. I haven't been out on a date in over 20 years. This was also the reason I gave up on God, because I couldn't believe that a loving God could let something like this happen to me! My only life's philosophy now is what I talked about in my thread-DO WE REALLY HAVE A CHOICE? Whatever happens is meant to happen, because if it wasn't meant to happen, it wouldn't! If this is existance, you can have it! This is why every day I go on, I keep hoping to die, because I no longer want to live! At least I now have a place where people DO think that my opinions matter, & at least for that I am grateful! But I can't EVER go back to believing is God again.

Hi bibliophile,

I just wanted to thank you for sharing your story. There have been times in my life when I felt alone and I hated God and everyone else. I even hated myself for being so hateful and for years it was an ongoing battle for me to keep my sanity. So wherever you are in your life I hope that you find this message comforting eventhough I am not a man and I have never lived your life.
:angel:
ac

 

[bibliophile1954]

Thanks Anna, at least that helps a little bit.

 

[anna]

You're welcome. We all need encouragment. Life is hard and it isn't easy doing what is right especially if you try to do it in your own strength (my screen name should be perfectionist)

:angel:
ac

 

[bibliophile1954]

Noted!

 

[efta777]

But I can't EVER go back to believing is God again.

What did you believe God was before all of this happened to you? I only ask because if you can lose your faith in God over something like this, perhaps you didn't have the right perception of who exactly he was to begin with. I was once in a relationship that didn't end well at all and I was hurt - though I now realize that God was simply showing me that it was getting in the way of my relationship with Him. God is always talking, weather or not we're listening.

 

[Xmansmommy]

Bib,
First I'd like to thank you for sharing such deep, personal things about yourself. I am certain it hasn't been easy. I'm sorry those things have happened to you. Some of them were wrongs done to you, yes. And I'm sure you would agree that some of them you at least had choices in the matter as well. It really sucks when someone does something to hurt us. And even though you have made choices that have affected your life for I believe you said, over 20 years, you still have choices to make today. You don't have to continue to be a slave to those situations and choices that happened so long ago.
You said...

This was also the reason I gave up on God, because I couldn't believe that a loving God could let something like this happen to me!

If your lady friend truly had a freewill Bib, would God have stopped her? I know based on some of the things you've said here on TOL, that you have a pre-conceived notion of what God foreknows/controls. I'm sure you've read many of the threads here and are learning that there are other "beliefs" about God and His foreknowledge/control in our lives. Perhaps, understanding the OV of God can help you in reconciling why these things took place in your life, and also help you to know that you are not any less loved by God because they have. Just a few thoughts that I have at the moment. Thanks for allowing me to share.

In Christ,
Linda

 

[bibliophile1954]

Take a look at my thread-"END OF MY ROPE"! I think you would be pleased! (Page 4)