I love funny jokes about our belief systems:
Top Reasons Why the Reformed Did Not Cross the Road
11. A woman already crossed. We don’t follow women.
10. We don’t believe the road is safe. It wasn’t built between 1500-1700 A.D.
9. We believe that “road crossing” ceased with the death of the last Apostle or the completion of the New Testament.
8. The crossing guard was only helping people cross from one side to the other, so we are suspicious. Is this a denial of double pre-destination?
7. Neither Romans 9 or John 6 say anything about crossing roads. Therefore, it is unbiblical.
6. The “Walk” sign was gender neutral. It made us mad.
5. The road was called Tiber Ave.
4. John Wesley said that God’s prevenient grace would pave the way, but we have to take the steps ourselves. What a load!
3. We were not elected to cross before the foundation of the road.
2. Piper said that God is most glorified when we are most satisfied on our side of the road.
1. The pub is on this side of the road.
Top Reasons Why The Arminian Did Not Cross the Road
11. He is the one who is in charge. No one is going to make him do anything.
10. We are not sure if he will cross or not. No one knows. Not even God.
9. He has felt the draw of the other side of the road and has resisted thus far.
8. He heard someone yell at someone on the other side calling him a dork. He thought he said “Dordt.” It scared him.
7. Two guys named John and Ed were on the other side. It was too big of a risk (and they looked mean).
6. He will cross the road. But it won’t happen until just before he dies. Insurance. What if he did it early and changed his mind? Smart thinking.
5. Finney and Pelagius just crossed. Everyone already thinks he follows them. To cross now would just confirm their suspicions.
4. He shipwrecked on his way across therefore he never made it.
3. God cast a vote for him to cross. Satan cast a vote for him not to cross. He holds the deciding vote.
2. He did cross the road. In fact, he has crossed it over a dozen times. He just keep backsliding.
1. He did cross the road but stopped half way. One side was Geneva and the other side was Rome.
Top Reasons Why The Dispensationalist Did Not Cross the Road
10. By taking a consistently literal approach, we thought that “cross the road” meant something about the crucifixion.
9. We thought that the other side was for Israel and this side was for the church.
8. Charles Ryrie was still on this side of the road, why cross?
7. It is pointless since Jesus is just going to bring us back after 7 years.
6. Like the OT prophets and the church age, we were unable to see the other side.
5. We counted and it would take 18 steps. That divided by 3 is 6. 666. Therefore, it would be taking the mark of the beast.
4. We were not a part of the ‘crossing’ dispensation.
3. Dallas Theological Seminary has yet published anything telling us how to do it.
2. It was crossing from HWY 69 to HWY 70. That road is meant only for Israel.
1. We thought we would be raptured before we got there anyway.
Source: see related posts here:
http://www.reclaimingthemind.org/blog/2010/07/top-ten-reasons-the-arminian-did-not-cross-the-road/
AMR
