Still learning the meaning of maturity

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greenfire.servant

New member
At my age I am still learning the meaning of spiritual maturity and bearing spiritual fruit. At the time of my conversion back in 2007 I was a on fire born again, new believer, and life was great. Well me and God hit some serious bumps in the road with fallout, friendship failure, backstabbing in the Church going on, women playing fast and loose with the rules, religious family turning evil on me, etc. At first I was expecting Christians to be a cut above the rest and be "perfect" but now I realize sometimes worldly people are nicer to me and love me more. My ungodly friends sometimes act better than my own religious family. This is sad but true and I think some of my family is just plain hypocrites with no hope for salvation apart from Grace. "Saved" by the skin of their teeth as it were you know "saved as though by fire" yeah that one. The guilty individuals in my religious family I am referring to have walked with Christ their whole lives and have removed external sin but they are loveless, vile, arrogant, rude, corrupt, unforgiving, unloving, disobedient, hypocrites, etc. See those things can't be cured by removing "external" sin only through the working of the Holy Spirit. It doesn't say much for their faith when they have been doing this their whole lives and have no compassion. But I forgive them and think the only way they will ever be saved is by grace if at all. But I am not getting my hopes up for them because if they went to Hell I know they would deserve it for contributing to destroying my life and faith. But I release them for I do not hold a grudge but I am letting others know that I never want to be like them.


Growing pains
At first like I said spiritual rebirth was great like a "new" me was unearthed like Paul said a "new creation". Then things started to go downhill with life and things in my life like bad luck, car wrecks, job loss, bosses betraying me, Religious Family going off on me and kicking me out on the streets, etc. I then tried to cope with the difficulty I thought would never exist following God and following Christ. After failed websites and failed blogs and failed street preaching I am back at square one trying to rebuild my faithful repentance towards salvation. I'll admit through this journey I have lost faith a lot and turned my back on God several times getting angry with him for abandoning me to the Christian wolves who were devouring my sacred flesh and causing me to backslide. Since then I have had a vision to start a new and take another crack at it. I will try again to get my ministry going. Man it's hard!

Ministry again?!
Taking several swings at religion I realized I am not really good at it. I'm bad at street preaching, bad at witnessing, bad at teaching, bad at just about everything. But I am trying to do better and get more sound theology and more sound thinking. Seeing the vision of me street preaching perfectly in my head and on the street in real life are two totally different things. So right now I have no idea how I am going to approach the concept except for being very careful about my approaches and focus. Either way I am excited for the new outcome of my new found freedom from Satan and looking for divine assistance from God in Christ. Ministry is very hard work and I don't even know where to start but I have been trying, and trying maybe just doing the hard work day after day one day I will get "good". I look up to many Religious leaders and love to hear some of these Televangelists teach in such amazing fashion. I used to not respect them that much since there are so many wolves in sheep's clothing but now I know which ones I think are true and I think are right.


Green fire begins to burn
So my fire I will set to light hoping for the eternal light and hoping for the ministry to take flight. For instance the ministry "Kosher Torah & Walking by Fire"are ministries I try to excel to be better than because I feel like they have missed the boat on sound doctrine. So here's to new life!
 
PureX

PureX

Well-known member
Excellent post, and thank you. But perhaps you should learn before you presume to teach. Learn how to be just a humble vessel. A reflection of God's love. Live your life in joy and gratitude. And share that joy and gratitude with others. When you have achieved this, people will want what you have. You will be that light.

"Look, and it can't be seen.
Listen, and it can't be heard.
Reach, and it can't be grasped.

Approach it and there is no beginning;
follow it and there is no end.
You can't know it, but you can be it,
at ease in your own life.
Just realize where you come from:
this is the essence of wisdom."

- from the Tao Te Ching​
 
Doormat

Doormat

New member
Learn what it means to be merciful, and I think the rest will fall into place.

Hosea 6:6 For I desired mercy, and not sacrifice; and the knowledge of God more than burnt offerings.
 
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greenfire.servant

New member
Doormat said:
Learn what it means to be merciful, and I think the rest will fall into place.

Hosea 6:6 For I desired mercy, and not sacrifice; and the knowledge of God more than burnt offerings.
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If only I knew the meaning to these words. I mean mercy is an awesome concept that I need to continue to practice. I guess I will try to learn that as well in all my seeking. But the thing of it is becoming merciful is an abstract concept you can't go about at any particular moment only at particular times. So yes I can be merciful but not right now at this moment which frustrates me when I think about being merciful I can't go out practicing it, I have to wait for someone to have an infraction against me which can be difficult just to sit here and wait for someone to hurt me. I wish I could be merciful at all times but sometimes I have been merciful and it back fired by me walking out on my job which I thought was being merciful by me letting bygones be bygones. So my ideas of mercy can be taken too literally at times. It can be hard.
 
Totton Linnet

Totton Linnet

New member
Silver Subscriber
Learn that YOU are the same as those brothers and sisters who you condemn and I will give you half a chance, no more than that.
 
G

greenfire.servant

New member
Doormat said:
What is your reason for showing mercy to your enemy?

Answering that question will help you understand God's mercy, and how to be merciful.
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My reasons at the time of showing mercy to my Boss who was set against me was because of a little bit of pomp and arrogance on my part and feeling trapped ie like no way out. I felt the only to fix the situation with my enemy at the time was to remove myself from the equation which now I feel while it felt good and my thoughts were on mercy, I could have also shown mercy through staying there and sticking through it thick and thin. Unfortunately I was worn thin and bailed. So my reasons for mercy at that incident was self-motivated or self-glorification. I told my boss "I'll let it slide" but that statement distracted me and made me think too self-centered from bearing through the difficulty as a team and trying to work it out. I got a little arrogant and told them I didn't need them since I was hurt but in truth now that I regret that decision I realize I did need them.
 
Doormat

Doormat

New member
greenfire.servant said:
My reasons at the time of showing mercy to my Boss who was set against me was because of a little bit of pomp and arrogance on my part and feeling trapped ie like no way out.
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So did you really show mercy then?

I appreciate the example, but I wonder if you could ponder some of the ways you can show mercy to your enemy. Imagine being in war as a soldier, or being an executioner, or the victim of crime, if you want, then think of how you can show mercy in those situations to your enemy. Ask yourself what reasons are there for you to show that mercy to your enemy. Then ask yourself how does what you are thinking of doing to show mercy in that situation reflect or not reflect the mercy God showed you. You need to figure out the reason to show anyone mercy. There has to be compelling reason or it will be feigned mercy.

The most important thing for you to fully understand is why God showed you mercy, why He loves you. You need to understand that He feels the same way about your enemy, and that you can love your enemy for the same reason and show mercy.
 
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