How does a child get spoiled?
- Thread starter Kate
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Kate,
I would say it's a combination of giving them everything they want and no discipline. I've never denied my daughter anything except when I couldn't afford something. But, I have a very good balance between giving her everything and discipline. She knows that when she does something wrong, she has to face the consequences.
I would say it's a combination of giving them everything they want and no discipline. I've never denied my daughter anything except when I couldn't afford something. But, I have a very good balance between giving her everything and discipline. She knows that when she does something wrong, she has to face the consequences.
Sozo
New member
If our children do not have our respect, which is the result of several things (keeping your word, obeying the governing authorities, being a submissive wife, a loving husband, etc.), then they become independent.
Our children need to be as dependent as possible on their parents/parent to understand and grow into dependency on God.
If we allow them to get away with things that are inappropriate, they will become self-reliant (spoiled), and will fall into relativism rather than truth for answers.
Our children need to be as dependent as possible on their parents/parent to understand and grow into dependency on God.
If we allow them to get away with things that are inappropriate, they will become self-reliant (spoiled), and will fall into relativism rather than truth for answers.
Kate
New member
Ebenz, I agree about the discipline. But when there is enough love to go around, the children don't want to hurt the parents by upsetting them, because they know how much the parents love them.
Sozo, I am not sure about keeping children dependent on us though. Something doesn't sound right.
Sozo, I am not sure about keeping children dependent on us though. Something doesn't sound right.
Sozo
New member
The wisdom of this world is to develop an independent attitude, and that is the exact opposite of what our attitude should be. Kids are screwed up because they have misplaced dependencies. As they grow-up their dependency should be on their parents or caretaker, but once they are released from that authority, their dependency should be on God alone. Many adults live their lives in confusion, because they have become independent, or codependent, instead of trusting in God. This is not rocket science, people just spend to much time looking for answers everywhere else than the One who has them.
Kids are spoiled when they are taught by their parents to be independent. It is not giving them "to much", but giving them the idea that those things are where they receive meaning to life.
Sozo
New member
Why is that?
Love your children, teach them that God loves them, that He loves you, and that your hope and trust is soley in Him.
Don't give them unrealistic expectations about life, but just teach them how to do everything you can.
Don't tell your children that they are going to be the next American Idol, or Christian "Pop Star", or the next Tiger Woods, or even President. Just give them a hug everyday!
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Re: How does a child get spoiled?
Sounds like you are doing a very good job Kate. I think children are spoiled when they don’t have discipline. And I am not talking about spankings, I’m talking about guidance. At least that has been my experience as the father of two grown children and one 6 year old.
I have read what Sozo has said and this is going to sound like I’m saying this to refute him but that is not the case, just what I believe. Children are by nature dependent on their parents. Our job is to guide them to a point where they can live independent lives as loving and caring people towards their follow man. And it sounds like you are doing just that. Good luck on your journey with one of the most important missions you have.
I’m telling you this as my six year old is standing beside me with a water gun, squirting water under her armpits, and making crude noises by placing her hand under her armpits while slapping it against her side. I think she needs a little discipline. Maybe it’s being used for a little attention getting. LOL.
Hank
Sounds like you are doing a very good job Kate. I think children are spoiled when they don’t have discipline. And I am not talking about spankings, I’m talking about guidance. At least that has been my experience as the father of two grown children and one 6 year old.
I have read what Sozo has said and this is going to sound like I’m saying this to refute him but that is not the case, just what I believe. Children are by nature dependent on their parents. Our job is to guide them to a point where they can live independent lives as loving and caring people towards their follow man. And it sounds like you are doing just that. Good luck on your journey with one of the most important missions you have.
I’m telling you this as my six year old is standing beside me with a water gun, squirting water under her armpits, and making crude noises by placing her hand under her armpits while slapping it against her side. I think she needs a little discipline. Maybe it’s being used for a little attention getting. LOL.
Hank
Sozo
New member
Originally posted by Kate
Sounds like play time to me!
I don't want to sound like hollier than thou, but I am bewildered but parents telling children to sit and be quiet and behave like in the subways and restaurants, etc. Bring a toy or a crayon and a piece of paper for God's sake, you won't hear a pip!
Or you could talk to them.
Kate
New member
That's true! I meant for the time when you can't talk to them. So why shouldn't you encourage your children to be Tiger Woods?
Oh, Hank, thank you for the compliment!! How is your six year old doing? It's a great age!! I agree it's the most important mission on earth to love your children.
Oh, Hank, thank you for the compliment!! How is your six year old doing? It's a great age!!
I agree it's the most important mission on earth to love your children.
Sozo
New member
I'm not saying that you shouldn't teach them how to do things, but there is no reason to give kids unrealistic expectations and false hopes. Who knows, they may be better than Tiger, but it should be because you have encouraged each step, not given them the pressure of a goal.
"Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow, we shall go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit." Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we shall live and also do this or that." But as it is, you boast in your arrogance; all such boasting is evil."
Originally posted by Kate
That's true! I meant for the time when you can't talk to them. So why shouldn't you encourage your children to be Tiger Woods?
Oh, Hank, thank you for the compliment!! How is your six year old doing? It's a great age!!
I always encouraged my kids to strive for the best they can do.
You’re welcome. Yes it is a great age. Because I have two grown children I know how fast they grow up. Even though I spent a lot of time with them in hindsight I wish I had spent even more. So now anytime my 6 year old wants attention, I stop what I am doing and play with her. It makes the discipline problem practically non-existent. It’s a wonderful way to train children when you show them attention. I take her to school and pick he up so that is a good time for us to interact. Take it from me, give your daughter plenty of attention and you will never regret it.
This is an interesting thread. On a side note to Sozo, I read in one of your posts a few months back that you were going to post some of your philosophies on parenting (I think that's what you said- maybe it was about something else! Sorry!), or something like that, and I was wondering if you had done it and I missed it or something. If you haven't done it yet, please consider it as I am interested in reading it!
Goose
New member
I know I don't have children, so forgive me if I'm in correct, but I have been corrected numoerous times. And I would have to say that it's the conviction I received in my heart, that drove me to correct my problems. If a child isn't convicted, he'll become spoiled. This is also usually the method that I'd assume you would use on a child that is older.
And I would have to say that it's the conviction I received in my heart, that drove me to correct my problems. If a child isn't convicted, he'll become spoiled. This is also usually the method that I'd assume you would use on a child that is older.Don’t beat yourself up about that Kate. It may not be the best but quality time and the child knowing you are doing the best you can, overcome almost any obstacle. My Mother ran off with someone else when I was five. My Dad, who could have just as easily left me in the care of my Mother who had other interest, fought hard to keep me with him at a time when Fathers just did not ever get children in that situation. I was often left with aunts and friends while Dad worked hard to provide. But he was the one and only stable thing in my life for years. He was rough, crude, and sometimes violent with people but his love for me was never in question. He is gone now but he will always be my hero. He has been gone a long time but even so the tears still flow when I talk of him because I realize the tremendous sacrifices he made for me. I think of my God’s love for me in very similar ways that I think of my Dad’s love for me.
And it actually leads right into something I was thinking about when I woke up this morning. I am telling you this knowing you are obviously an intelligent and caring person that will evaluate what I say and use it or not as you see fit.
My Dad was raised in a large and poor family. My Granddad would be considered a child abuser today but in the backwoods hills of Tennessee his style of punishment was considered normal. By the time my Dad was six, his job was to get up at 5 every morning and start the fire in the fireplace. He told me he would get everything ready the night before so when he woke up, all he had to do was run in the room, pile the wood on the fireplace, and get a bit of fire from the kitchen stove which was hot all the time. I tell you this because as a result of this and many other experiences in his life, he developed a very strong work ethic and learned to never give up on anything.
Because of the part I related above, when I became a teenager Dad feared I might leave and go to live with my Mother. It actually never crossed my mind but he was fearful of that. He was very strict and when he said do something there was no questioning his authority. But as a result of that fear he had, as I got older he would indulge me too much. For instance once when I was about 15, I decided to rebuild an old car to learn how to work on cars. He bought an old car for $50 and I started work. I got the motor out and then never worked on it again. He finally hauled it off to the junkyard. As a result, I never learned that stick-to-it-ness that he had all his life. Only in math where I excelled did I develop that quality of never giving up.
In hindsight as I thought on all these things and realized what had happened in my life, I became determined not to pass that trait on to my children. Therefore I was and am careful to evaluate what they start. I always had a talk with them before they started something. If the decision were made to start it, we would set some goals to accomplish. It may be that they would try it for 3 months and then decide if they wanted to continue. But they had to accomplish that goal without giving up. Right now my daughter is in several things. Dance, gymnastics, soccer, piano and then of course school and church. She is the most social person I have ever met and wants to be in even more. However she excels at soccer. Therefore the understanding is that she can drop anything except soccer and piano at the end of the session. She has soccer practice twice a week, a game on Saturday and soccer camp on Sunday afternoon. She will sometimes complain about that but I am very firm about not even letting it become an issue. And of course once she gets to the field she always enjoys it.
I pass this along to you because it has worked for me. My two grown children do not have this defect that I have. They are both very tenacious and never quit at anything. So use it as you see fit. Sorry about the length but I thought it was important.
Hank