Discipline

Yorzhik

Yorzhik

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ShadowMaid said:
I hope he'll just learn that his current character isn't fulfilling.... because I know someone who is an impatient, short tempered and frustrated. And this leads that person to be pretty selfish... and I simply feel sorry for this person, and frustrated myself because they can't see their self-destructive behavior... this person is also beyond parental molding, yet I've wanted to swing this person over my lap many times and give them a thorough rude awakening.

I don't want to see my little brother growing up with this type of self destructive seed that I see in another person so closely. I know he isn't beyond reform... after all, he's still 3.

I guess I'm freaking out because despite his training, he still uses the scream tactic.... and he's been perfecting it since he first realized screaming gets his way.
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Well, all I can say is that we are doing better now that a certain big change has taken place.

..... Yikes.... Did you ever believe you would get a more stubborn child? :shocked:
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No. No I didn't.
 
Ktoyou

Ktoyou

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nicholsmom said:
Is the child capable of saying more than "stop?" How well does this particular child understand conversation about social behavior?

If it is possible for the child to have a rational conversation with an adult about social behavior, then I'd recommend a private talk. In the talk I would find out everything I could about what was causing the child to shout "stop" - but it's likely a control issue at that age. It sounds like the child is the youngest in the group, so it is likely a feeling of being left out that is driving the demanding language. If at all possible the child should be led to voice the exact issue to you: "They never let me choose what we'll play" or whatever it is exactly.
Once the child can voice the problem beyond that single word, "stop," conversation can progress to appropriate social behavior including strategies for improving the situation. Go through scenarios with him, lead him in practicing what to say and how to say it to gain better success. If it is found that the child is powerless in spite of good effort, then the other children must be brought into a separate conversation about their social behavior - and it sure does sound like that will be needed.

If the child can't communicate properly, he won't be able to play well with others, and perhaps then the others ought to be chosen carefully for their willingness to accommodate this child (which would be necessary for certain forms of communication disabilities). But it doesn't sound like this is your problem.

Private talks and conversation modeling are a big help in our house :)
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Great post, so glad you are one of our members! :wave:
 
nicholsmom

nicholsmom

New member
ShadowMaid said:
NicholsMom, he can speak, and fairly well, but whenever he's upset, and you try to talk to him, he keeps his head down, doesn't speak, or just squeaks, acts like he's in trouble or embarrassed when all we want is to have a conversation with him. He's pretty theatrical, so I feel like him not talking is sort of a show, but by the time he's willing to talk again, he's fine.
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Edit: I've read through more of this thread and find that this is not your child and that you are among the siblings. *sigh*

Here is the advise I'd give to a parent in this situation:
I'd talk to the siblingss separately and soon - not in the middle of trouble, but at a neutral time. They can give you insight into what's triggering the upset in the toddler and you can work with them to decide on strategies for including the toddler in ways acceptable to them as well as a signal that they can give to you to interfere to remove the toddler from the situation before things spiral out of control. Then you can talk to the toddler before playing with the siblings again. Talk him through those strategies you decided upon with the older kids for managing play time together, and let him know the consequences ahead of time for bad behavior (removal from play is best - I like to stick their backs on the wall :chuckle: I don't know why this works, but it does, and I wind up swinging the paddle a whole lot less for the same, or better result).

Shadowmaid, you should talk to your brother before you play with him - before he thinks he's in trouble. Tell him that you would love to play with him, but you will stop playing with him the moment that he begins to scream. Tell him that as soon as he starts to get mad to say "Shadowmaid :)chuckle:), I'm getting mad." Ask him to practice it for you and agree, out loud, to say that if he starts getting frustrated. Then, if you notice him getting mad, ask him if he's getting mad to prompt him to say what he's practiced. Then you can see if he will talk to you about what is getting his goat. You can maybe have a very good conversation about sharing and taking turns since he isn't all mad yet - just beginning to get mad and you've short-circuited the regular routine that ends in a screaming fit. Remember, toddlers scream because their conversation skills are too limited to tell you without help what's bugging them. So help him tell you before the screaming starts. You will be able to tell when he's getting frustrated before he can.
 
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ShadowMaid

ShadowMaid

New member
nicholsmom said:
Edit: I've read through more of this thread and find that this is not your child and that you are among the siblings. *sigh*

Here is the advise I'd give to a parent in this situation:
I'd talk to the siblingss separately and soon - not in the middle of trouble, but at a neutral time. They can give you insight into what's triggering the upset in the toddler and you can work with them to decide on strategies for including the toddler in ways acceptable to them as well as a signal that they can give to you to interfere to remove the toddler from the situation before things spiral out of control. Then you can talk to the toddler before playing with the siblings again. Talk him through those strategies you decided upon with the older kids for managing play time together, and let him know the consequences ahead of time for bad behavior (removal from play is best - I like to stick their backs on the wall :chuckle: I don't know why this works, but it does, and I wind up swinging the paddle a whole lot less for the same, or better result).

Shadowmaid, you should talk to your brother before you play with him - before he thinks he's in trouble. Tell him that you would love to play with him, but you will stop playing with him the moment that he begins to scream. Tell him that as soon as he starts to get mad to say "Shadowmaid :)chuckle:), I'm getting mad." Ask him to practice it for you and agree, out loud, to say that if he starts getting frustrated. Then, if you notice him getting mad, ask him if he's getting mad to prompt him to say what he's practiced. Then you can see if he will talk to you about what is getting his goat. You can maybe have a very good conversation about sharing and taking turns since he isn't all mad yet - just beginning to get mad and you've short-circuited the regular routine that ends in a screaming fit. Remember, toddlers scream because their conversation skills are too limited to tell you without help what's bugging them. So help him tell you before the screaming starts. You will be able to tell when he's getting frustrated before he can.
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Being able to instruct him what to do before he gets frustrated sounds like a capital idea. I don't know exactly what happens when he starts screaming. I know my sister is not quite sure what to do, and my Dad tends to talk to the kids to find out what happened.

I think one thing you might have figured out, is that he is VERY strong-willed. And he tends to clam up when he thinks/knows he's in trouble. Perhaps removing him from the situation until he calms down would help him be able to talk it out.
 
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