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I Think I am A Vessel Of Wrath with no Hope No Matter What I Do

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  • I Think I am A Vessel Of Wrath with no Hope No Matter What I Do

    My whole life I have been afflicted and frankly tortured. Won’t go into the illnesses but what they produced was torturous anxiety and OCD. Feeling out of control needing to control. Chronic fatigued as kid til now. Tortured by people and I had no strength, just had to take it. 20 yrs old had reaction to drug that caused further torture for past 15 years barely hangin on no fun or quality of life. Basically hanging on from FEAR of God cause I could have killed myself but went to hell I feared. Was having hope God had plan for me in endtimes, but then another reaction to drug just as I was beginning to feel a little better that has lasted months and tortured more and suicidal. I believe God has revealed to me I am judged and tho I believe in Jesus I have not been renewed regenerated by the spirit. He has sustained me like the Bible says but I have been tortured the entire time. Because of sickness I appear meek and kind but in my heart I think I am wicked possibly. I have intrusive thoughts and when I try to think of Jesus bad stuff comes in. All my life my mind has been chemical soup of craziness I haven’t gotten a handle on. EVERYTHING in this world and life is nothing without having Jesus. I know that in mind but it’s like my heart is hard from pain and I dunno. I’ve not been smart enough to discern it and tell the difference cause I know not what a pure heart feels like. I am so willing to repent but I can’t make Jesus give me his spirit. Nothing is worse than this absolutely nothing. That God hates me and I am all paranoid and scared of Him even tho I don’t want to be. It’s just always been that way. And self preservation cause my health and body felt so vulnerable from illness. Most don’t know of God but to know and know He hates you. The God of love. I was always told but I never felt it. Like upside down.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Lowly one View Post
    My whole life I have been afflicted and frankly tortured. Won’t go into the illnesses but what they produced was torturous anxiety and OCD. Feeling out of control needing to control. Chronic fatigued as kid til now. Tortured by people and I had no strength, just had to take it. 20 yrs old had reaction to drug that caused further torture for past 15 years barely hangin on no fun or quality of life. Basically hanging on from FEAR of God cause I could have killed myself but went to hell I feared. Was having hope God had plan for me in endtimes, but then another reaction to drug just as I was beginning to feel a little better that has lasted months and tortured more and suicidal. I believe God has revealed to me I am judged and tho I believe in Jesus I have not been renewed regenerated by the spirit. He has sustained me like the Bible says but I have been tortured the entire time. Because of sickness I appear meek and kind but in my heart I think I am wicked possibly. I have intrusive thoughts and when I try to think of Jesus bad stuff comes in. All my life my mind has been chemical soup of craziness I haven’t gotten a handle on. EVERYTHING in this world and life is nothing without having Jesus. I know that in mind but it’s like my heart is hard from pain and I dunno. I’ve not been smart enough to discern it and tell the difference cause I know not what a pure heart feels like. I am so willing to repent but I can’t make Jesus give me his spirit. Nothing is worse than this absolutely nothing. That God hates me and I am all paranoid and scared of Him even tho I don’t want to be. It’s just always been that way. And self preservation cause my health and body felt so vulnerable from illness. Most don’t know of God but to know and know He hates you. The God of love. I was always told but I never felt it. Like upside down.
    I would like to tell you how you can be saved; message me privately on this site.
    Oh how I love the Word of God!

    Don't just hear the word and believe it---do it.

    Comment


    • #3
      I am a disabled veteran with an anxiety disorder, depression, and other fears. I am on medications and take them as prescribed. They help a bit. But I still deal with much anxiety and fear. I was an sinful alcoholic for over 20 years. I nearly died. I gave myself to God. As I grow in the Word I find myself also being attacked by evil thoughts. I learned in Genesis before and after the flood God told Noah that the "imagination of man's heart is evil from his youth" (Gen. 8:21). I find I have to deal with these imaginations. But, I do not have to fall to them. I have God to turn and pray to. The Christian walk is not an easy one. I have found it to be a lot better than my previous walk.

      Comment


      • #4
        Thank you how do you personal message? I come from so much pain and destruction on both sides of family. Both sides of my family are the same surname although they did not know each other. No matter how hard I try I feel paranoid and scared of God. The anxiety in life so bad it will not let me trust and u have to trust God. I’m fighting to do the opposite and it won’t let me. It won’t let me feel warmth. Lots of health stuff has happened making all that harder. But more to the point that I think God may be doing that to me cause He is in control of everything. Please pray God gives me a chance. I repent of everything out loud but I can’t change my heart without the spirit of God penetrating me and changing me. I also am seeing 44 all the time and 444 sometimes. I think it means judgement. I’m very scared

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Lowly one View Post
          Thank you how do you personal message? I come from so much pain and destruction on both sides of family. Both sides of my family are the same surname although they did not know each other. No matter how hard I try I feel paranoid and scared of God. The anxiety in life so bad it will not let me trust and u have to trust God. I’m fighting to do the opposite and it won’t let me. It won’t let me feel warmth. Lots of health stuff has happened making all that harder. But more to the point that I think God may be doing that to me cause He is in control of everything. Please pray God gives me a chance. I repent of everything out loud but I can’t change my heart without the spirit of God penetrating me and changing me. I also am seeing 44 all the time and 444 sometimes. I think it means judgement. I’m very scared
          To private message me, click on my picture and it will take you to my profile; there is a box on the left upper side that says private message; click on that.

          Oh how I love the Word of God!

          Don't just hear the word and believe it---do it.

          Comment


          • #6
            Lowly One I tried to send you a message but recieved this notice.
            • "Lowly one has chosen not to receive private messages or may not be allowed to receive private messages. Therefore you may not send your message to him/her.

              If you are trying to send this message to multiple recipients, remove Lowly one from the recipient list and send the message again."
            I am not sure how the message part works. can you check your account.

            Comment


            • #7
              Lowly One this is the message I wrote.

              Lowly one this Bradley D I have sent this message to you. I have a fear of God also. But fear of God in the Bible also means respect. My fear is wanting to do what I can to obey God's Word. I will always have to contend with the flesh. When I feel evil I turn to God and pray. When I have doubts I ask what would would God want me to do. I also have mental health and physical problems. For me knowing that I have these problems and how they affect me is important. When I have an anxious thought I realize often it is not the outside world that is causing me anxiety, but the inner part of me. Here is a site that explains 444 and 44. https://www.biblestudy.org/bibleref/...bible/444.html. Hang in there! Brad

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Bradley D View Post
                Lowly One this is the message I wrote.

                Lowly one this Bradley D I have sent this message to you. I have a fear of God also. But fear of God in the Bible also means respect. My fear is wanting to do what I can to obey God's Word. I will always have to contend with the flesh. When I feel evil I turn to God and pray. When I have doubts I ask what would would God want me to do. I also have mental health and physical problems. For me knowing that I have these problems and how they affect me is important. When I have an anxious thought I realize often it is not the outside world that is causing me anxiety, but the inner part of me. Here is a site that explains 444 and 44. https://www.biblestudy.org/bibleref/...bible/444.html. Hang in there! Brad
                No more OCD justification with the 444 information.
                Oh how I love the Word of God!

                Don't just hear the word and believe it---do it.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by God's Truth View Post

                  No more OCD justification with the 444 information.
                  I really never heard of the number 444 44 in my studies. I just looked it up on google and shared it. What does OCD mean please.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Bradley D View Post

                    I really never heard of the number 444 44 in my studies. I just looked it up on google and shared it. What does OCD mean please.
                    That site is not good. OCD is when a person does something or many things repeatedly because they fear something bad is going to happen to them or someone they love.
                    Oh how I love the Word of God!

                    Don't just hear the word and believe it---do it.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by God's Truth View Post

                      That site is not good. OCD is when a person does something or many things repeatedly because they fear something bad is going to happen to them or someone they love.
                      I see. Thank-you.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Bradley D View Post

                        I see. Thank-you.
                        Thank you, too.
                        Oh how I love the Word of God!

                        Don't just hear the word and believe it---do it.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Do I need to make enough posts or something before I can private message?

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            It’s a very terrifying subject. All my life I was taught if you believe in Jesus u will be saved. All my life the anxiety and terror caused by the illness and drug reactions I’ve endured being home bound for 15 years just hoping and fearing to take my life from fear of hell. Never gotten to be close to people. My heart inside is numb from pain. Mind confused and tortured. Like God has sustained me and hates me as a vessel of destruction. I have through my flesh stopped willful sin that I know of. But it’s by the spirit that matters. I have a fear relationship. Prayed and cried out to God. Oh man guys.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I don’t know how to talk to the account people to see if I can private message.

                              Comment

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