Why men won't marry you

[Rusha]

See, this is where I differ from you and the muslims. I don't believe either of you. It's entirely possible neither of you is right. Sure, your bible says you're the one that's right, but who cares? The muslims have a book that says they're right. Both your book and his are morally repugnant and both books are equally scientific, which is to say not at all.

Claim after claim, yet no solid scientific evidence. Instead references to an old book by barbarians. Same as the muslims. Can you do anything that distinguishes you from the muslims?

"Your bible"? :think: Why do you wear the label of Christian if you find the Bible morally repugnant? It IS the book that Christianity is based on.

 

[1PeaceMaker]

[Why men won't marry you by Suzanne Venker] "Where have all the husbands gone?

Home, to dinner with their wives, usually.

That’s a question Peter Lloyd tackles in a series in London’s Daily Mail about Britain’s marriage rate, which is at its lowest level since 1895. “The state of matrimony is not just ailing. It is dying out faster than a mobile phone battery,” Lloyd writes. “For an army of women, Mr. Right is simply not there, no matter how hard they look for him.”

The idea of marriage dying out is absurd. As long as heterosexuals are born, marriage will continue. It's human nature to pair-bond. For many the bond is strong enough to last a lifetime.

Things are no better this side of the Atlantic. According to Pew Research Center, the share of American adults who’ve never been married is at an historic high—and men are more likely than women to have never made it down the aisle (23% vs. 17% in 2012).

There was a time when wives respected their husbands. There was a time when wives took care of their husbands as they expected their husbands to take care of them.

Everything happens like a wave function. This wave will pass, the bottom will not drop out of marriage.

What gives? Why are men here and abroad avoiding the altar in spades?

I don't see it that way, because there is a wave of later-life marriages, and more people recognize themselves as in a non-state sanctioned marriage, lacking motivation to get a certificate, they just keep on going together that way. Doesn't mean they aren't married in God's eyes and de facto to the rest of the world.

1. Because they can: Men used to marry to have sex and a family. They married for love, too, but they had to marry the girl before taking her to bed, or at least work really, really hard to wear her down. Those days are gone.

What? I'm supposed to believe men don't love having families all of a sudden? I hate it when men are stereotyped. Seems like a reversal of bigotry, to me.

And I think men and women are pretty equally interested in an institution that sanctions a healthy sex life and children, while also meeting their needs for love.

When more women make themselves sexually available, the pool of marriageable men diminishes. “In a world where women do not say no, the man is never forced to settle down and make serious choices,” writes George Gilder, author of "Men and Marriage."

This is stereotyping women, now. And I think it's likely more true that women, having health and a sex drive are no more eager to have sex than before but now they can "test drive" a man before deciding if he satisfies her and they are discouraged from early marriage. But many women still are hopeless romantics who will ignore social constructs and get married for love - even young, no matter the trend.

Scoff if you wish. Call me a fuddy-duddy. But how’s that new plan working out?

2. Because there’s nothing in it for them: What exactly does marriage offer men today? “Men know there’s a good chance they’ll lose their friends, their respect, their space, their sex life, their money and — if it all goes wrong — their family,” says Helen Smith, Ph.D., author of "Men on Strike." “They don’t want to enter into a legal contract with someone who could effectively take half their savings, pension and property when the honeymoon period is over.Men aren’t wimping out by staying unmarried or being commitment phobes. They’re being smart.”

But then under the radar many live the life of family men. So there's that... I suspect that the happiest men live the life of a family man regardless of whether the world calls them married.

Unlike women, men lose all power after they say “I do.” Their masculinity dies, too.

That's BS. Men have natural leadership and charisma in marriage, so while the law might soften them up for punishment, many have women who think the world of them and live like they mean it.

What’s left of it, that is. In the span of just a few decades, America has demoted men from respected providers and protectors of the family to superfluous buffoons. Today’s sitcoms and commercials routinely paint a portrait of the idiot husband whose wife is smarter and more capable than he.

Recently I saw a sitcom where there was a reversal of that. The husband just let his wife feel smart cause he loved her while still being more clever, himself.... so I see both portrayed. Even the media is getting stereotyped, I guess.

There was a time when wives respected their husbands. There was a time when wives took care of their husbands as they expected their husbands to take care of them.

That time is now in homes all across the modern world.

Or perhaps therein lies the rub. If women no longer expect or even want men to “take care of” them — since women can do everything men can do and better, thank you very much, feminism — perhaps the flipside is the assumption that women don’t need to take care of husbands, either. And if no one’s taking care of anyone, why the hell marry?

Because people still get old. And family is still more love, prosperity and safety than a 401K.

For women, the reason is obvious: kids. Eventually most women decide they want children, no matter how long they put it off to focus on their careers. So they often nab the best guy they can find, usually the one with whom they’re currently sleeping, and convince him to get married.

More stereotyping of women. Men have to nab wives for the same reasons, but all marry for their own individual set of ideals and desires. Life is not a cookie-cutter event in any era.

If the man refuses, we call him, as Smith notes, a “commitment phobe.” But is that fair? Perhaps these men know all too well that women initiate the vast majority of divorces — anywhere from 65-90 percent, depending on demographics. And when they do, they take the kids with them and hang hubby out to dry with the help of a court system that’s heavily stacked in their favor. In the past, Mom got the kids because she was home with them doing the thankless, unpaid, mountainous work associated with that role. Today, neither parent is home, so there’s no reason the default custodial parent should be Mom.

Actually, that's totally not true in many homes today. Moms do stay at home, often doing business from home if that's what it takes, while the children are young. But until that phase of life things can be more like their husband's lives... not many women are so fertile they can focus on children for more than two decades.

And women should be the default for custody when breastfeeding! Even after weaning, that bond is still a naturally strong connection.

So remind me, why would a man marry today?

No, really. What’s in it for him?"

Same as always, love and family.

 

[1PeaceMaker]

and women are supposed to WANT these creatures?

Women are mean - if you are into stereotypes.

well, I haven't "wanted" one in many, many years.. except as a friend, but of course, that is not feasible.. being friends w/ the opp sex.. doesn't usually work out well

So you just wanted men back in the day when you felt more like a woman? Why can't you get along with men?

I like men from a distance.. like watching them on Fox News.. lots of interesting men on Fox..

Are you a misandrist or just a general misanthrope?

and I can enjoy them w/o having to ... well, you know how it goes when you are closely involved w/ someone of the opposite sex..

You mean that thing you don't want to do anymore?

the devil is in the details..

Or heaven...

dirty socks thrown on the living room floor, incessant mentioning of the ex girlfriend.. not wanting commitment... etc... etc..

Like us women are *never* slobs....

 

[The Barbarian]

RC writes:

dirty socks thrown on the living room floor, incessant mentioning of the ex girlfriend.. not wanting commitment... etc... etc..

Did you ever think that your taste in men might be just like your taste in politicians?

You're looking in the wrong places.

 

[patrick jane]

Home, to dinner with their wives, usually.



The idea of marriage dying out is absurd. As long as heterosexuals are born, marriage will continue. It's human nature to pair-bond. For many the bond is strong enough to last a lifetime.

Everything happens like a wave function. This wave will pass, the bottom will not drop out of marriage.

I don't see it that way, because there is a wave of later-life marriages, and more people recognize themselves as in a non-state sanctioned marriage, lacking motivation to get a certificate, they just keep on going together that way. Doesn't mean they aren't married in God's eyes and de facto to the rest of the world.

What? I'm supposed to believe men don't love having families all of a sudden? I hate it when men are stereotyped. Seems like a reversal of bigotry, to me.

And I think men and women are pretty equally interested in an institution that sanctions a healthy sex life and children, while also meeting their needs for love.



This is stereotyping women, now. And I think it's likely more true that women, having health and a sex drive are no more eager to have sex than before but now they can "test drive" a man before deciding if he satisfies her and they are discouraged from early marriage. But many women still are hopeless romantics who will ignore social constructs and get married for love - even young, no matter the trend.



But then under the radar many live the life of family men. So there's that... I suspect that the happiest men live the life of a family man regardless of whether the world calls them married.



That's BS. Men have natural leadership and charisma in marriage, so while the law might soften them up for punishment, many have women who think the world of them and live like they mean it.



Recently I saw a sitcom where there was a reversal of that. The husband just let his wife feel smart cause he loved her while still being more clever, himself.... so I see both portrayed. Even the media is getting stereotyped, I guess.



That time is now in homes all across the modern world.



Because people still get old. And family is still more love, prosperity and safety than a 401K.



More stereotyping of women. Men have to nab wives for the same reasons, but all marry for their own individual set of ideals and desires. Life is not a cookie-cutter event in any era.

Actually, that's totally not true in many homes today. Moms do stay at home, often doing business from home if that's what it takes, while the children are young. But until that phase of life things can be more like their husband's lives... not many women are so fertile they can focus on children for more than two decades.

And women should be the default for custody when breastfeeding! Even after weaning, that bond is still a naturally strong connection.



Same as always, love and family.

good post !

 

[patrick jane]

Women are mean - if you are into stereotypes.

So you just wanted men back in the day when you felt more like a woman? Why can't you get along with men?



Are you a misandrist or just a general misanthrope?

You mean that thing you don't want to do anymore?


Or heaven...



Like us women are *never* slobs....

another good post

 

[serpentdove]

[Article]

You are quoting the article.

 

[serpentdove]

[Love and family] good post !

That's the idea (Ge 2:24, Heb 13:4). :straight:

Finally then, brethren, we urge and exhort in the Lord Jesus that you should abound more and more, just as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God; for you know what commandments we gave you through the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness. Therefore he who rejects this does not reject man, but God, who has also given us His Holy Spirit (1 Th 4:1–8).

 

[1PeaceMaker]

You are quoting the article.

And....?

 

[patrick jane]

RC writes:


Did you ever think that your taste in men might be just like your taste in politicians?

You're looking in the wrong places.

RC calls a "babe" alert anytime she sees a man on fox news - even if they are married. i think her whole world is stereotyped - atrol: btw barbarian, she says she hasn't been "looking" for many many years - :hetro:

 

[serpentdove]

[Quoting the article as my writing] And....?

A few housekeeping items:

Please place the article in it's own quotes not quotes attributed to me. I do not happen to agree with the author.

 

[1PeaceMaker]

A few housekeeping items:

Please place the article in it's own quotes not quotes attributed to me. I do not happen to agree with the author.

In my mind I was just quoting the OP, but I'm glad you don't agree with the author.

Do you agree with me?

 

[serpentdove]

In my mind I was just quoting the OP, but I'm glad you don't agree with the author. Do you agree with me?

I suspect that the happiest men live the life of a family man regardless of whether the world calls them married.

One is married or he isn't. God does not leave covenant relationships. What the world calls

a second marriage, God calls adultery (Mt 19:6, Ro 1:18). Marriage is dissolved by death (Rom. 7:2, 3).

See:

Divorce & Remarriage: A Position Paper by John Piper

 

[1PeaceMaker]

One is married or he isn't. God does not leave covenant relationships. What the world calls

a second marriage, God calls adultery (Mt 19:6, Ro 1:18). Marriage is dissolved by death (Rom. 7:2, 3).

See:

Divorce & Remarriage: A Position Paper by John Piper

Oh, I wasn't addressing divorce in that comment. Just the idea that we get all the stats from marriage licenses. I don't think marriage is defined before God by State documents. And realistically neither do a lot of households.

Not that I have a problem personally with being officially married!

 

[Dan Emanuel]

One is married or he isn't.

Amen.

God does not leave covenant relationships. What the world calls

a second marriage, God calls adultery (Mt 19:6, Ro 1:18).

Amen.

Marriage is dissolved by death (Rom. 7:2, 3).

Amen.

See:

Divorce & Remarriage: A Position Paper by John Piper

Part of marriage and being married is that the community you live in accept's that you live together exclusively with you're spouse, and that when you die, you're spouse owns everything now.


Daniel

 

[BOLCATS]

Home, to dinner with their wives, usually.



The idea of marriage dying out is absurd. As long as heterosexuals are born, marriage will continue. It's human nature to pair-bond. For many the bond is strong enough to last a lifetime.

Everything happens like a wave function. This wave will pass, the bottom will not drop out of marriage.

I don't see it that way, because there is a wave of later-life marriages, and more people recognize themselves as in a non-state sanctioned marriage, lacking motivation to get a certificate, they just keep on going together that way. Doesn't mean they aren't married in God's eyes and de facto to the rest of the world.

What? I'm supposed to believe men don't love having families all of a sudden? I hate it when men are stereotyped. Seems like a reversal of bigotry, to me.

And I think men and women are pretty equally interested in an institution that sanctions a healthy sex life and children, while also meeting their needs for love.



This is stereotyping women, now. And I think it's likely more true that women, having health and a sex drive are no more eager to have sex than before but now they can "test drive" a man before deciding if he satisfies her and they are discouraged from early marriage. But many women still are hopeless romantics who will ignore social constructs and get married for love - even young, no matter the trend.

But then under the radar many live the life of family men. So there's that... I suspect that the happiest men live the life of a family man regardless of whether the world calls them married.



That's BS. Men have natural leadership and charisma in marriage, so while the law might soften them up for punishment, many have women who think the world of them and live like they mean it.



Recently I saw a sitcom where there was a reversal of that. The husband just let his wife feel smart cause he loved her while still being more clever, himself.... so I see both portrayed. Even the media is getting stereotyped, I guess.



That time is now in homes all across the modern world.



Because people still get old. And family is still more love, prosperity and safety than a 401K.

More stereotyping of women. Men have to nab wives for the same reasons, but all marry for their own individual set of ideals and desires. Life is not a cookie-cutter event in any era.

Actually, that's totally not true in many homes today. Moms do stay at home, often doing business from home if that's what it takes, while the children are young. But until that phase of life things can be more like their husband's lives... not many women are so fertile they can focus on children for more than two decades.

And women should be the default for custody when breastfeeding! Even after weaning, that bond is still a naturally strong connection.



Same as always, love and family.

This post was astounding! If every Christian viewed marriage and family in this way, I could be persuaded to become a Christian. The highlighted posts just hit it out of the park. America would cease to be the cesspool it is today if more Christians adopted this attitude.

 

[Angel4Truth]

This post was astounding! If every Christian viewed marriage and family in this way, I could be persuaded to become a Christian. The highlighted posts just hit it out of the park. America would cease to be the cesspool it is today if more Christians adopted this attitude.

Jesus dying to forgive you for your sins should be the reason to become a Christian. (being able to admit you are a sinner in need of salvation).

 

[BOLCATS]

Jesus dying to forgive you for your sins should be the reason to become a Christian. (being able to admit you are a sinner in need of salvation).

I have no need for a masochistic religion you espouse.

 

[Angel4Truth]

I have no need for a masochistic religion you espouse.

Your loss, not mine.

 

[BOLCATS]

Your loss, not mine.

Don't feel like I have lost a thing. After knowing many Christians personally over the years, I actually feel like I avoided a great loss of life.