Dating is a Failed Modern Experiment

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serpentdove

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The idea that anyone should take their cues from a sixteen-year-old is pretty rich...I mean, this gal doesn't even know who or what she really is or wants, and won't for quite a while.

I don't think she's buying what you're selling (1 Jn 2:15). You'd like to suck her into your depravity wouldn't you? You and your little perv' dog too. :Shimei:
 

serpentdove

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Wait so I should lie about being Christian and pretend so I can find a proper wife? The audacity of it. The audacity.
You get the pole dancer whose tat's will fade with the years. Young Christian men who work on keeping their minds pure get the fine Christian women who do the same :peach: (Pr 18:22). You think God is going to bring his best to the likes of you? You're the type of feen we keep our children far from.
 

MrRadish

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This is what all professors say. :dizzy: They do not want their student's opinions at all. :hammer:

Not when it's in an essay and is unsubstantiated, no. Because the point of an essay is to be objective and fact-led. Otherwise, it's just a Point of View article with references.

Then why all the fuss?

Because she's being given the false impression that she's written an academically strong essay when she hasn't.

It couldn't be serious if it disagrees with your worldview (queue the pipe smoking professor in ivory tower).

There are plenty of very good arguments against present attitudes toward relationships and dating, as well as a host of others in favour of it. But that's entirely beside the point. My objection is not to her distaste for dating, it's her ineptitude at constructing an argument.

I think she's well on her way to becoming a good writer.

Maybe one day that's what she'll be, but that's not going to happen if she keeps being told that a good essay is based entirely on largely unsupported assertions, assumes the reader uses the same moral and social standards, and refuses to examine alternative perspectives on the subject.

Could it be you are not "tolerant" of her position at all? :idunno:

Had she produced a well-written, balanced discussion of the issue and come to the conclusion that dating causes social and personal problems, or the courtship leads to happier and longer-lasting relationships, or indeed any other supportable pro-courtship conclusion rooted in an examination of evidence from multiple angles of debate, I would have no objection to it whatsoever.

Believe me, if someone produced a 'paper' in favour of dating that showed a similar lack of regard for counterarguments, made sweeping generalisations like "sexual repression causes genocide. Hitler only got married in the last few days of his life, proving that it was his sexual repression that led to the Holocaust", and concluded that "dating is better than courtship because it is more fun, is more free, and means that you can decide who to love rather than your parents choosing for you", I would have similar disdain for it as a piece of academic writing.

It's the integrity of the writing that concerns you. :rolleyes:

Thanks for telling me what I think, SD. To follow your own example:

Ad Hominem :rolleyes:
 

Granite

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I don't think she's buying what you're selling (1 Jn 2:15). You'd like to suck her into your depravity wouldn't you? You and your little perv' dog too. :Shimei:

What the world are you talking about?

You know what, I shouldn't even ask...
 

Granite

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Well, quite. Which makes Enyart acting as if this silly little frippery is a proper piece of scholarship all the more irritating, not to mention misleading and exploitative to the lass in question.

I just think it's a bit sad that such a large number of people seem to think that it's not just acceptable but also morally laudable to refuse to acknowledge or address alternative points of view. Plus, of course, I've met people who write like this at university and they tend to get awful grades and not understand why. Which, again, is a pity.

Given who and what Enyart takes for "experts" and "scholarship" this isn't very surprising.
 

The Graphite

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Arranged courtships. Yep, way to remove the romance, zest, excitement, and adventure (to say nothing of how ridiculous and childish it is to set up marriages these days).

Lucky, you're absolutely right, by the way: I've found the more uptight and resistant to "dating" a Christian teen is, the second they leave the protective cocoon and actually experience life--as opposed to their church-crafted version of it--the tune is forgotten and swapped with a song that has a little more swagger...
No romance, no zest, no excitement or adventure? Clearly you have no idea what you're talking about.

What they really don't have, however, is the man buying the affections of the woman, and it doesn't have the man using the woman in selfish sexual gratification. Treating a woman like that isn't manly; it's childish, sellfish and deeply disrespectful.

The man is the more responsible, as one who is called to protect the woman, but the woman is morally culpable as well. A friend of mine once said there's only one thing as bad as a paid whore... and that is an unpaid whore.
 

Granite

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No romance, no zest, no excitement or adventure? Clearly you have no idea what you're talking about.

:chuckle:

Right, because I missed out on the pleasure of my parents picking a wife for me. Ooooooooookay then.

What they really don't have, however, is the man buying the affections of the woman, and it doesn't have the man using the woman in selfish sexual gratification. Treating a woman like that isn't manly; it's childish, sellfish and deeply disrespectful.

I completely agree!

The man is the more responsible, as one who is called to protect the woman, but the woman is morally culpable as well. A friend of mine once said there's only one thing as bad as a paid whore... and that is an unpaid whore.

Again, no argument there...
 

The Graphite

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How does that differ from dating other than the shorter than normal time frame and the presence of a 3rd party with considerably influence?
Good question, because I wasn't clear on this.

Genuine courtship always involves other people. This is one of the best things about it. When two people are alone with each other, they can act like someone they're not, in order to impress the other. But when you're in front of your friends and family, it not only 1) prevents you from treating the other person selfishly and disrespectfully as a sexual object, and 2) you will act like yourself or else be called out for it by people who know you. You will really be yourself, because your family and friends are right there as chaperones.
 

The Graphite

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:chuckle:

Right, because I missed out on the pleasure of my parents picking a wife for me. Ooooooooookay then.

I said no one is forced to do anything. People are brought together by loved ones, but they have a choice. The courtship is arranged. I didn't say the marriage ceremony was arranged and forced.
 

Quincy

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You get the pole dancer whose tat's will fade with the years. Young Christian men who work on keeping their minds pure get the fine Christian women who do the same :peach: (Pr 18:22). You think God is going to bring his best to the likes of you? You're the type of feen we keep our children far from.

That's a presumptuous post if ever I've read one. I do thank you for keeping your children far away from me though especially if they are anything like you. I don't have the time deal with infantile minds who can't see past the tip of their nose.
 

Granite

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I said no one is forced to do anything. People are brought together by loved ones, but they have a choice. The courtship is arranged. I didn't say the marriage ceremony was arranged and forced.

Being introduced is one thing, but a courtship certainly implies something a lot more formalized than that. Have you seen, personally, these courtships in action?
 

serpentdove

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"[T]he point of an essay is to be objective and fact-led."
Is she a journalist? There are all types of essays. Which type of essay was assigned?

"he's being given the false impression that she's written an academically strong essay when she hasn't."

She researched and knew what she was talking about. I don't know how good her writing skills are but her if they are anything like her speaking skills, she's an all around brilliant young woman. I wonder if she goes to Denver Bible Church. They seem to be raising some amazing Christians over there.


"My objection is not to her distaste for dating, it's her ineptitude at constructing an argument."
She discussed this history of dating and gave her opinion. She did a fine job. You don't like her opinion.
 

Granite

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Brian fits you well. Bottom's up (Re 22:11). γνῶθι σαὐτόν.

Woman, you don't have a single original thought in your head...and copying and pasting Greek isn't the same as actually understanding it. Why don't you quit while you're still ahead.
 

Lighthouse

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A solid, conservative church. Best advice in the world. Especially if you ask them to arrange the relationship for you.

Keep in mind, they set it up, you court the person, you make a choice and a commitment, typically after a few weeks or a couple months.

Think I'm crazy? There are a couples in my church (and other couples I know) who very happily vouch for it and strongly recommend it!

I will take issue with only one part of what you asked, though. Ideal mate? No such thing. If you find an "ideal mate," stay away from them... or you'll ruin their life. LOL

Love is a choice you make and an action you take, not a feeling you follow. The feelings and attraction will be there, but your commitment and action will actually keep those feelings alive (and might even initiate them), not vice versa.

Wanna do it the world's way? 50% of marriages now end in divorce in America, where dating is ubiquitous as the method of choosing a mate. Flip a coin - heads or tails. Do you want to base your marriage on the flip of a coin? Heads, a life of joy, tails and your marriage ends in catastrophe and pain? Take out a coin right now and satisfy your curiosity; flip it, call it in the air and see. Were you lucky? Does your marriage end up dead, or alive?

You can live according to the world, or you can walk according to the will of our Creator, who knows a lot better than we do what works and what is right. Arranged courtships aren't foolproof, because they involve imperfect human beings. But they are a darn sight better than what the world has to offer.
The problem here is they don't get the difference between dating and courtship.

Not to mention one doesn't even have to go out on what might be defined as a date to get to know another person. I don't date my best friend, but we know each other better than we know any other person.

How does that differ from dating other than the shorter than normal time frame and the presence of a 3rd party with considerably influence?
It differs greatly from the modern idea of dating in this culture.
 

MrRadish

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Is she a journalist? There are all types of essays. Which type of essay was assigned?

Well, if it's being presented as a research paper, then presumably an academic one. If she were writing an opinion article then it shouldn't have been formatted as a paper.

She researched and knew what she was talking about.

That she'd researched is apparent (although, again, there's very little evidence of her having read any material opposed to her argument) but a body of quoted research does not a convincing argument make. If she were to hand this paper in at a university I can almost guarantee it wouldn't get higher than a 2:2, if that. It's just not a very well-argued essay.

I don't know how good her writing skills are but her if they are anything like her speaking skills, she's an all around brilliant young woman.

So you didn't read your own link?

She discussed this history of dating and gave her opinion.

She didn't discuss it, though, at least not in any academically substantial way. She relied on unsupported assertions (eg. concern over popularity is a direct result of dating, dating has led to genocide), undefined and subjective terminology (degradation, purity, morality), and monocausal reasoning for the main body of her argument, and failed to demonstrate a consideration of counterarguments. That's not a discussion.

Her writing style was also inconsistent with the work's presentation as an academic essay, but that's far less important than the fundamental skill of being able to argue a point properly.

You don't like her opinion.

I couldn't care less what her opinion is.
 
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