Marriage seperation from ungodly spouse.
- Thread starter Alaya
- Start date
You should talk to the women on the forum, including serpentdoveMy name is Alaya, and I'm new to TOL. Hi.
I'm born again 15 yrs, and married five to an ungodly spouse who has separated from me, almost the whole of our married life. I would appreciate others who are going through the same heartache. Thank you.
My name is Alaya, and I'm new to TOL. Hi.
I'm born again 15 yrs, and married five to an ungodly spouse who has separated from me, almost the whole of our married life. I would appreciate others who are going through the same heartache. Thank you.
Welcome to TOL. While it won't be a popular answer, my advice to you is to go on with your life. It's better to be permanently separated and enjoy your life as compared to staying in a relationship where your husband has turned his back on you via his abandonment.
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You can always count on Rusha to tell you to just divorce. She likes divorce, so long as it's the women doing it
But
You're supposed to respect one's vows and let God take control.
Thank you. Yes, I was a little dampened in my spirit with that advice, from Rusha, but I understand its right to go on living my life with God and not to be too mournful. I believe I can never deliberately break my marriage covenant, as I know how much covenant means to God, and God has endowed me with His Love for my husband who is a very, very difficult, but bound man.
Hi Alaya,
Welcome to TOL.
So sorry to hear you are going through a rough time.
It can be emotionally devastating.
You can't make his choices for him, so you need to take care of yourself.
If the emotions of the situation are overwhelming you, get yourself to a doctor for a little help to keep you stable until you have a firmer grip to deal with your trauma.
You have got to keep yourself stable or you won't be any good to anyone, especially to yourself.
Things can get very ugly when a marriage falls apart.
So take care of yourself.
Welcome to TOL.
So sorry to hear you are going through a rough time.
It can be emotionally devastating.
You can't make his choices for him, so you need to take care of yourself.
If the emotions of the situation are overwhelming you, get yourself to a doctor for a little help to keep you stable until you have a firmer grip to deal with your trauma.
You have got to keep yourself stable or you won't be any good to anyone, especially to yourself.
Things can get very ugly when a marriage falls apart.
So take care of yourself.
HisServant
New member
^
You can always count on Rusha to tell you to just divorce. She likes divorce, so long as it's the women doing it
But
You're supposed to respect one's vows and let God take control.
I've never bought into the logic of vows as a Christian, since we are instructed not to make them (let our Yes be Yes and our No be No because God knows we are errant humans and cannot keep them.. and when we inevitably break them, it reflects badly on God)
Anyhow, God asks us to be long suffering with our spouses, just as he uses Israel as an example of how he was long suffering with its adultery and unfaithfulness. But God, in his wisdom, also divorced Israel, gave her a bill of divorce and sent her away.
There are many things to consider that are bigger than you and your happiness when it comes to these types of decisions. For example, we are never to divorce for the purpose of marrying another.
In your case, it seems like he has abandoned you.. for 15 years? Has he supported you? Are there kids involved? All of these things must be considered in a godly manner and you can use the tools of the government to see that he lives up to his responsibility to you.
My ex abandoned me.. it was 8 years before I even thought about a divorce. There were teenaged kids involved (one living with me and one with her) and I didn't want the distraction of another woman in my life to complicate our relationship, or provide a bad example in front of them. When she stopped coming to counseling and moved 1000 miles away, I decided to pull the trigger and stop funding her lifestyle by ending the spousal support and health insurance that I paid to her for 8 years. After the divorce, it was my intention to never remarry, but God undoubtedly brought someone into my life that could not be more perfect for my situation.. I have been remarried for 8 wonderful years now, and even to my church doubters, they can see that God has brought a godly and wonderful woman into my life and that it was his purpose.
My suggestion is to quiet yourself, be fair, be patient, seek God's leading, search the scriptures (and see all that is taught in error by most of Christendom these days about it). You MUST have a clear conscience before God and man before moving on... and that can take years.
Its a shame that it isn't just as hard to get married as it is to get divorced. Most people jump into marriage for all the wrong reasons, most are too young and don't understand the consequences or that long term relationships take a ton of work.
I am also not advocating divorce... it is not something to be taken lightly.. but it can be a reality in the fallen and sinful world we live in.
Thank you for your reply and advice.
Marriage seperation from ungodly spouse.
My husband and myself are the same age. He's lived at the home he was born in for 50 yrs. We each had never married, and I was a born again when we met. He wasn't. He'd been searching the Christain God, (true God) for years, and I was attracted to this, after avoiding him three times in an interim time of 9 mths. I was a relatively new Christian of 4 yrs, baptised. My husband eventually confessed his belief in Christ one year before we married, but refused to be baptised. Our wedding was beautiful, in church, bells etc, with 50 guests, around 40 of them believers, and God appointed the best man, because my husband's friend refused, for unknown reasons to me, but I took it in Faith, that God decided rightly on who it should be, and my husband was thrilled. There is a mysterious spiritual bondage that has held my husband back from true belief. It takes him backwards, at every positive step he takes, and He makes logical excuses for it. But it's hideous, and so, so tangible when he gets depressed, which he offer does. God has given me many, many words of wisdom, and also know that my husband's eternal Salvic security is at stake. I'm therefore being obedient to stand in the gap, for his breakthrough, especially his soul, and everything else after.
My husband and myself are the same age. He's lived at the home he was born in for 50 yrs. We each had never married, and I was a born again when we met. He wasn't. He'd been searching the Christain God, (true God) for years, and I was attracted to this, after avoiding him three times in an interim time of 9 mths. I was a relatively new Christian of 4 yrs, baptised. My husband eventually confessed his belief in Christ one year before we married, but refused to be baptised. Our wedding was beautiful, in church, bells etc, with 50 guests, around 40 of them believers, and God appointed the best man, because my husband's friend refused, for unknown reasons to me, but I took it in Faith, that God decided rightly on who it should be, and my husband was thrilled. There is a mysterious spiritual bondage that has held my husband back from true belief. It takes him backwards, at every positive step he takes, and He makes logical excuses for it. But it's hideous, and so, so tangible when he gets depressed, which he offer does. God has given me many, many words of wisdom, and also know that my husband's eternal Salvic security is at stake. I'm therefore being obedient to stand in the gap, for his breakthrough, especially his soul, and everything else after.
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HisServant
New member
From the tone of your post, you seem to exhibit a lot of the same issues that I see on this site.. you are judging your husband based on your interpretation instead of letting him lead.
I don't see water baptism, by human hands, as being something necessary as a Christian. John the Baptist prophesied that one would come, who's sandals he was not fit to carry, that would baptize with fire and the Holy Spirit... that PERSON CAME!
Water baptism these days is more like a local sect initiation ritual more than anything else. I see churches disagree on the form of baptism and know people that have been baptized 3-4 times in their lives because if it.
Baptism by the Holy Spirit is something that a church cannot discredit and cannot be taken from you.
Well, there is one of two choices ... go on as you have or ... make changes. You are the only person capable of controlling how others treat you.
The only way anyone can judge your situation is by your own words:
Look outside the situation and consider what you would tell someone asking that question IF they were your daughter/son, sister/brother or best friend.
Thank you for your opinion, but you've only read what I've allowed myself to write. What I meant was, that once married, and for very personal issues of his own, he showed no interest on staying with God. He had a selfish ambitious agenda, and it became such an Idol, he got caught up in depression, and left me 11 times in our first yr of marriage. I'm not saying I was always wise, because I was so emotional, and broken at his weakness to care for me before his own issues, and wants to be seen to be a musician, with lot's of money etc...I had cancer whilst He had left me, and after my operation, he left me to deal with it on my own. I lost my bladder, womb, overy, and had a reconstruction done to my private area. I love my husband very, very much, but he has an unreachable, stubborn, attitude towards life. Only God knows why my husband is so deeply bound inside himself, easily offended, and paranoid at every one who claims they know the truth of God or Scripture. It's the saddest thing I've had to witness, in all my life, appart from losing my eldest son last October to alcoholism. He was 34. My husband couldn't even be there for me at such a terrible time.
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That's horrible. I am sorry for what you have went through and what you are currently dealing with. As a mother who has dealt with the loss of a child, I can certainly relate to the ongoing burden you are dealing with on a daily basis. While I won't tell you the loss goes away, it does get easier to deal with.
Let it be known, I'm not looking for the sympathy card among you. I know my faults in this tragedy, and I've constantly asked God to search my heart. He has been talking the scrum off of me, as long as I yield it up, once He reveals it. I chased my husband like a lost puppy in this terrible rejection, and was hit harder, and harder by the consequences, but only because I couldn't see why on this earth He should want to run constantly. But I was shown by the Father that it wasn't a fault in the marriage, it was a fault of my husband's belief to stay under the refining fire that God had started to merge on us. However, anyone who doubts their identity is always going to want to go back to their comfort zone.
marhig
Well-known member
Hello Alaya,
I'm sorry you've been through a hard time. I think the best advice i ever had is this, if someone doesn't want to know, you just live out. Be kind and caring and be there for them, show them Christ in you. Just give them bits about God now and again. Not too much, because if you say to much you can turn them away. My husband didn't know God, and i lived it out in front of him, and I spoke little bits every now and again, I never pressured him never pushed God on to him. We have to have a willing heart, God doesn't want us be forced to love him, he wants us to give him our heart willingly, so I loved my husband and cared for him and brought God in now and again. He ended up reading with me and then came to our house meeting, and he came to God himself willingly. But he does have a soft heart, I know others who have done this, and they won their husbands over by bringing Christ to them.
I don't know you're life, but there's being soft and caring and there's being a walk over. Don't let him walk over you, don't run crying and falling over him, some people who are harder will just keep you hanging on a string when you are soft and you do that, its happened to me and I got wise. You need the right balance. And God is a wonderful father, go to him as I'm sure you have and ask him for strength from your heart and maybe try a different approach. Your marriage is worth hanging on to and there's also love there which is great. Just don't drown him.
When we plant a anything in a garden, and it is young, we water it slowly bit by bit until it grows. Then once it's established it can take lots of water. This is like people with God. It sometimes takes time, but living it out when someone doesn't want to know and just speaking now and again, in my opinion is the best way to go. If he carries on and truly doesn't want to know, then there not much else you can do.
I know he's not your enemy but i like this proverb, and think of it when I'm going through a challenging time
Proverbs 25: 21-22
If thine enemy be hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he be thirsty, give him water to drink:
For thou shalt heap coals of fire upon his head, and the LORD shall reward thee.
And there's also this
1 Corinthians 7
And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?
I hope it works out Alaya, keep your faith and trust in God
God bless, Mary
sirayuk
New member
Great I am also blessed by thatHello Alaya,
I'm sorry you've been through a hard time. I think the best advice i ever had is this, if someone doesn't want to know, you just live out. Be kind and caring and be there for them, show them Christ in you. Just give them bits about God now and again. Not too much, because if you say to much you can turn them away. My husband didn't know God, and i lived it out in front of him, and I spoke little bits every now and again, I never pressured him never pushed God on to him. We have to have a willing heart, God doesn't want us be forced to love him, he wants us to give him our heart willingly, so I loved my husband and cared for him and brought God in now and again. He ended up reading with me and then came to our house meeting, and he came to God himself willingly. But he does have a soft heart, I know others who have done this, and they won their husbands over by bringing Christ to them.
I don't know you're life, but there's being soft and caring and there's being a walk over. Don't let him walk over you, don't run crying and falling over him, some people who are harder will just keep you hanging on a string when you are soft and you do that, its happened to me and I got wise. You need the right balance. And God is a wonderful father, go to him as I'm sure you have and ask him for strength from your heart and maybe try a different approach. Your marriage is worth hanging on to and there's also love there which is great. Just don't drown him.
When we plant a anything in a garden, and it is young, we water it slowly bit by bit until it grows. Then once it's established it can take lots of water. This is like people with God. It sometimes takes time, but living it out when someone doesn't want to know and just speaking now and again, in my opinion is the best way to go. If he carries on and truly doesn't want to know, then there not much else you can do.
I know he's not your enemy but i like this proverb, and think of it when I'm going through a challenging time
Proverbs 25: 21-22
If thine enemy be hungry, give him bread to eat; and if he be thirsty, give him water to drink:
For thou shalt heap coals of fire upon his head, and the LORD shall reward thee.
And there's also this
1 Corinthians 7
And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.
For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.
For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?
I hope it works out Alaya, keep your faith and trust in God
God bless, Mary
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