First, an apology to GFR7. Then, about growing a TOL-grade thick skin.

[resodko]

You should start a thread about that.

pearls before swine

 

[kmoney]

Good questions, kmo.

This is what I think, others may think differently. To me, a thick skin means learning, through repeated exposure to a negative behavior, to become desensitized to that behavior.

Is it healthy to accept desensitization as a new normal? It depends. In this particular scenario, I don't think so.

I'd agree that desensitization is bad. That's not what I'd advocate.

The first few times someone called me something hurtful - it hurt. I'll admit, it brought tears to my eyes. But I learned - boy did I learn. Now, they can say pretty much anything and it doesn't bother me at all. I know I'm not fat, I know what my sexual identity is, I know I'm not a pig, or a whore, or a retard or a silly little girl, or any number of other things that don't come to mind at the moment.

You're still a homosexualist though, right?

It certainly won't keep me from saying what I think, which I believe is their motivation behind what they do. To shut down anyone with whom they don't agree. And that comes back to my OP: if what they believe is correct and true, they should be able to defend it in such a way that it draws rather than repels.

Good.
Maybe.
I agree.

It's certainly good to know how to ignore, and I've ignored quite a lot. But when does ignoring become conveniently blind to what's going on around me so I don't have to deal with it, particularly with regard to others being treated the same way or worse? (Because I certainly haven't had the worst of it.) Is looking the other way a sort of tacit acquiescence?

I'm mostly talking about receiving this stuff yourself. Ignoring mistreatment of others is a different story. Admittedly, I don't often go to someone's defense, which could be perceived in different ways. One reason for my inaction is that this is an online forum. Electronic communication doesn't mean words can't hurt, in fact there are and have been members that I worry about. But it does make it easier to ignore. And I would hope that someone doesn't put as much stock in the words from some knucklehead on an internet site they barely know as they would on someone in their school or workplace, etc.

Letting things roll off your back... yes, having a good sense of humor allows for that give and take,, so I know what you're saying there, but that would apply more to those who fight clean, with a humor that sometimes lightens things up.

You're very good at that, by the way.

Thanks.

I've wondered about those who think they no longer sin. Is it that belief which allows them to say the things they say?

I don't think that plays a role. At least not a strong one. I think it would be more about OSAS, though they might be connected for those who believe both. And a hyper focus on sola fide.

I'm trying to keep that in mind.

Good to hear.

:wave2:

 

[kmoney]

Oh, for Pete's sake. Quit whining.

If you don't like being called names, use the ignore feature.

That you do not shows that you are more interested in whining than you are worried about the impression that is being given.

"Whining". Something that's very much in the eye of the beholder.

And how would using the ignore feature be an appropriate response if someone is worried about the impression certain behavior is giving? If they have that worry then wouldn't the appropriate response be to say something about it?

 

[resodko]

You're still a homosexualist though, right?

she is


as are way too many who identify here as "Christian"


used to be, they were confronted harshly and rebuffed

today?

they're welcomed as "valuable members of the site"



the place has really gone to the dogs

 

[annabenedetti]

I'd agree that desensitization is bad. That's not what I'd advocate.

Because you're not the type of person anyone would have to desensitize against, kmo.

You're still a homosexualist though, right?

Come on, anna. Stop doing all that you can to support Islamic terrorists. You're obviously an Islamic terrorismist. lain:

I'm mostly talking about receiving this stuff yourself.

Speaking for myself, I got past that a long time ago. Now most of the time I don't bother to post an answer, which is exactly what that kind of treatment is supposed to bring about.

Ignoring mistreatment of others is a different story. Admittedly, I don't often go to someone's defense, which could be perceived in different ways. One reason for my inaction is that this is an online forum. Electronic communication doesn't mean words can't hurt, in fact there are and have been members that I worry about. But it does make it easier to ignore. And I would hope that someone doesn't put as much stock in the words from some knucklehead on an internet site they barely know as they would on someone in their school or workplace, etc.

I know. It's a fine line. I've tried and there's no way to keep up with it all. I can't answer or report everything so I ignore some, answer some, report some.

And then realize how stupid it all is and why am I even here anyway and that's the time to walk away because it's taken on too big a presence. No one should have that much online power and the best way to take it away is to walk away.

I don't think that plays a role. At least not a strong one. I think it would be more about OSAS, though they might be connected for those who believe both. And a hyper focus on sola fide.

I'm thinking of the ones that say something about when they're walking in the spirit their fleshly selves don't sin. Something like that.

 

[annabenedetti]

I really don't think this place is about debate but rather about the struggle of human life and it's very real.

Well said, Jerusha. And I agree with you.

Levolor gets an inspiration and emails me to share her praise to the Lord. Many of us have lost loved ones in tragedy or are shut-in and ill. For some of us, it's about sharing bunny photos and simply smiling over them and a cup of joe every morning. For others it's just admiring intelligence, insight and wit whether we find it in a Gazette, a joke, movie, political or prayer thread. We share our burdens and our joys and it matters that we do that because, although we're dysfunctional, we're the family of God and whether we agree on every aspect of our faith, the faith is important to us, even to the atheists and pagans. This place is a very real journey. Welcome to the journey!

Thank you for reminding me to be thankful. I needed a gratitude adjustment.

 

[annabenedetti]

Almost anyone who has been here long enough has lost their temper and written something stupid about someone else, provoked or not. The distinguishing mark is more readily found in the common methodology of approach and response. On that level I think TOL comes out, on the whole, surprisingly well for a site with declared bias taking on topics that relate to the most sensitive aspects of who we are as individuals.

I understand what you're saying TH, but I just looked and there are 38 members online. It only takes a few people out of those categories you listed to poison what's a pretty small pond.

Just wanted to come back with another thought on this. Setting aside that fact that most of us have said things we regret at one time or another, I'm talking about something that's beyond that understandable humanness.

I come from a big family, and know from experience that it can take just one relative to ruin an entire family gathering, and depending on the rank of the relative in the family, sometimes there's nothing anyone can do to keep it from happening. That's life, there's no ecaping that, I get that. So there are different ways to cope: resist, endure, retreat, avoid, pretend you don't see or hear it, try distraction, try humor, put on your invisibility cape and find a quiet corner, or leave. I'm sure there are a lot more possibilities, but you get the idea.

When bad behavior is protected, it will flourish. I don't like seeing people without protection get beat up all the time by people who have that protection and know it, and use it to their advantage; and when they all identify as Christian it's a horrible witness no matter how you look at the declared bias.

 

[Rusha]

When bad behavior is protected, it will flourish. I don't like seeing people without protection get beat up all the time by people who have that protection and know it, and use it to their advantage; and when they all identify as Christian it's a horrible witness no matter how you look at the declared bias.

The only thing it speaks of is that fact that being a participant of any type of religion (Christianity included) doesn't make someone a decent or more upstanding individual.

 

[chrysostom]

I come from a big family, and know from experience that it can take just one relative to ruin an entire family gathering, and depending on the rank of the relative in the family, sometimes there's nothing anyone can do to keep it from happening.

......

When bad behavior is protected, it will flourish.

I come from a big family and can't confirm what you are saying
was there drinking involved?
for the most part
we were happy drunks
but
our father was a very dominate figure
and
was good at maintaining control

bad behavior will flourish when good people do nothing about it

 

[Nick M]

she is


as are way too many who identify here as "Christian"


used to be, they were confronted harshly and rebuffed

today?

they're welcomed as "valuable members of the site"



the place has really gone to the dogs

Very disappointing indeed.

 

[Nick M]

7 For he who has died has been freed from sin.

Of course, many "Christians" here reject this. They have been shown too many times to count and do not care. They are accursed.

 

[Town Heretic]

Just wanted to come back with another thought on this. Setting aside that fact that most of us have said things we regret at one time or another, I'm talking about something that's beyond that understandable humanness.

Within the faithful there are times I wonder if some of that isn't reflecting the distinction between those driven into the fold rushing from hell and those driven by a desire for the love they see at the foot of the cross.

That aside, does anyone truly act contrary to their best interests if they understand where those interests lie? Is it our nature to say, "No, give me the worse thing, the lesser." Absent insanity how could we argue it?

So evil is always grounded in ignorance, likely fueled by ego and encouraged by envy and/or avarice. And some of the angry, the deeply frustrated, those feeling entitled to or denied embrace the impulse against others and sate a foolish sin from the protection of grace in contravention of its lesson.

I'm not speaking necessarily of the sinners in the hands of an angry God crowd. Some of them can and I think do utilize this with the actual good in mind and aim it at the stubborn with hope. I'm speaking to those who consistently address both the Body and those in need with language that can't be reasonably understood to be aimed at affecting change meant to avoid condemnation.

...When bad behavior is protected, it will flourish.

Agreed. I used to say that a bias that mitigates serves a good, but a bias that shelters an offense to that good, as opposed to a knowing mitigation for an uncharacteristic error, invites derision from without and contention within. Neither of those are good for the Body.

 

[annabenedetti]

Agreed. I used to say that a bias that mitigates serves a good, but a bias that shelters an offense to that good, as opposed to a knowing mitigation for an uncharacteristic error, invites derision from without and contention within. Neither of those are good for the Body.

Agreed in turn.

 

[annabenedetti]

The only thing it speaks of is that fact that being a participant of any type of religion (Christianity included) doesn't make someone a decent or more upstanding individual.

True, and I'll put myself at the front of the line. I'm a complete failure in that regard and I know it, and it weighs heavy on me.

I've appreciated very much the good people who've posted good things in this thread -

and I have to say the posts by sod, aCW, Nick and Stripe were each so utterly predictable in style that I could've done the writing for them and saved them the trouble.


I'm going to close this now, I'm sorry for adding extra negativity to a problem that's not going to go away.