I came to Christ at 18 year age after restlessly searching true God for 6 years. Then I was a neurotic teenager on the verge of suicide. Saved by his love, I promised to devote fully to him and beget spiritual children instead of carnal children as apostles did. But that was a high proposition as I was not worthy of carnal children even.
But amazingly he led unworthy me to it. Though I volunteered in a catholic orphanage for two years I left it spiritually unsatisfied. Their rituals and dogmas didn’t uphold me. But Love is God declaration in a letter of John resonated in me. It inspired me solely to love-works leaving rituals and dogmas. Then I joined a polytechnic and started caring for children and underprivileged. Later at the age of 26 years I was forced to open a small private orphanage for East-Bengal riot refugee orphans. I wrote of that in the thread The whore nudged me to heaven .
That changed me as if I was transported to a paradise of peace and grace. The docile boys and latter girls generated such affection in most callous and selfish me that I felt heavenly Father within me. I felt that children save parents not vice versa.
But they needed much love to cure their past trauma. My love was inadequate for that. Still my anger, pride, sloth, apathy etc. hurt them. But as long as they were in orphanage they were guarded. They prayed regularly, studied and did chores, not to mention childhood naughtiness. But after growing up they stood on their own and left. I couldn’t connect them to love of ` though some were baptized. So pride-devil and Hindu evil god worshipping society began to spoil them. Many of them took to drinking. I was too late to take aftercare and three of them died. Besides I lost two due to snake bite and liver cirrhosis. I wrote about the last in my thread----Christ miraculously heals but we can’t sustain that..
Though now I am taking more care as my love is maturing, I feel it is inadequate in the worsening world running to vile perversions and nuclear war suicide. To save them a love like that exemplified on the cross is needed.
Now my hard Muslim evangelization work in which I later engaged needs such love even to enemies. It is not impossible as numerous Russian Christians recently killed by communists loved their enemies unto the end. So I pray to Father to make me worthy of new spiritual children among Muslims. Please pray for me.
But amazingly he led unworthy me to it. Though I volunteered in a catholic orphanage for two years I left it spiritually unsatisfied. Their rituals and dogmas didn’t uphold me. But Love is God declaration in a letter of John resonated in me. It inspired me solely to love-works leaving rituals and dogmas. Then I joined a polytechnic and started caring for children and underprivileged. Later at the age of 26 years I was forced to open a small private orphanage for East-Bengal riot refugee orphans. I wrote of that in the thread The whore nudged me to heaven .
That changed me as if I was transported to a paradise of peace and grace. The docile boys and latter girls generated such affection in most callous and selfish me that I felt heavenly Father within me. I felt that children save parents not vice versa.
But they needed much love to cure their past trauma. My love was inadequate for that. Still my anger, pride, sloth, apathy etc. hurt them. But as long as they were in orphanage they were guarded. They prayed regularly, studied and did chores, not to mention childhood naughtiness. But after growing up they stood on their own and left. I couldn’t connect them to love of ` though some were baptized. So pride-devil and Hindu evil god worshipping society began to spoil them. Many of them took to drinking. I was too late to take aftercare and three of them died. Besides I lost two due to snake bite and liver cirrhosis. I wrote about the last in my thread----Christ miraculously heals but we can’t sustain that..
Though now I am taking more care as my love is maturing, I feel it is inadequate in the worsening world running to vile perversions and nuclear war suicide. To save them a love like that exemplified on the cross is needed.
Now my hard Muslim evangelization work in which I later engaged needs such love even to enemies. It is not impossible as numerous Russian Christians recently killed by communists loved their enemies unto the end. So I pray to Father to make me worthy of new spiritual children among Muslims. Please pray for me.
