My whole life I have been afflicted and frankly tortured. Won’t go into the illnesses but what they produced was torturous anxiety and OCD. Feeling out of control needing to control. Chronic fatigued as kid til now. Tortured by people and I had no strength, just had to take it. 20 yrs old had reaction to drug that caused further torture for past 15 years barely hangin on no fun or quality of life. Basically hanging on from FEAR of God cause I could have killed myself but went to hell I feared. Was having hope God had plan for me in endtimes, but then another reaction to drug just as I was beginning to feel a little better that has lasted months and tortured more and suicidal. I believe God has revealed to me I am judged and tho I believe in Jesus I have not been renewed regenerated by the spirit. He has sustained me like the Bible says but I have been tortured the entire time. Because of sickness I appear meek and kind but in my heart I think I am wicked possibly. I have intrusive thoughts and when I try to think of Jesus bad stuff comes in. All my life my mind has been chemical soup of craziness I haven’t gotten a handle on. EVERYTHING in this world and life is nothing without having Jesus. I know that in mind but it’s like my heart is hard from pain and I dunno. I’ve not been smart enough to discern it and tell the difference cause I know not what a pure heart feels like. I am so willing to repent but I can’t make Jesus give me his spirit. Nothing is worse than this absolutely nothing. That God hates me and I am all paranoid and scared of Him even tho I don’t want to be. It’s just always been that way. And self preservation cause my health and body felt so vulnerable from illness. Most don’t know of God but to know and know He hates you. The God of love. I was always told but I never felt it. Like upside down.
I Think I am A Vessel Of Wrath with no Hope No Matter What I Do
- Thread starter Lowly one
- Start date
God's Truth
New member
I would like to tell you how you can be saved; message me privately on this site.
Bradley D
Well-known member
I am a disabled veteran with an anxiety disorder, depression, and other fears. I am on medications and take them as prescribed. They help a bit. But I still deal with much anxiety and fear. I was an sinful alcoholic for over 20 years. I nearly died. I gave myself to God. As I grow in the Word I find myself also being attacked by evil thoughts. I learned in Genesis before and after the flood God told Noah that the "imagination of man's heart is evil from his youth" (Gen. 8:21). I find I have to deal with these imaginations. But, I do not have to fall to them. I have God to turn and pray to. The Christian walk is not an easy one. I have found it to be a lot better than my previous walk.
Thank you how do you personal message? I come from so much pain and destruction on both sides of family. Both sides of my family are the same surname although they did not know each other. No matter how hard I try I feel paranoid and scared of God. The anxiety in life so bad it will not let me trust and u have to trust God. I’m fighting to do the opposite and it won’t let me. It won’t let me feel warmth. Lots of health stuff has happened making all that harder. But more to the point that I think God may be doing that to me cause He is in control of everything. Please pray God gives me a chance. I repent of everything out loud but I can’t change my heart without the spirit of God penetrating me and changing me. I also am seeing 44 all the time and 444 sometimes. I think it means judgement. I’m very scared
God's Truth
New member
To private message me, click on my picture and it will take you to my profile; there is a box on the left upper side that says private message; click on that.
Bradley D
Well-known member
Lowly One I tried to send you a message but recieved this notice.
- "Lowly one has chosen not to receive private messages or may not be allowed to receive private messages. Therefore you may not send your message to him/her.
If you are trying to send this message to multiple recipients, remove Lowly one from the recipient list and send the message again."
Bradley D
Well-known member
Lowly One this is the message I wrote.
Lowly one this Bradley D I have sent this message to you. I have a fear of God also. But fear of God in the Bible also means respect. My fear is wanting to do what I can to obey God's Word. I will always have to contend with the flesh. When I feel evil I turn to God and pray. When I have doubts I ask what would would God want me to do. I also have mental health and physical problems. For me knowing that I have these problems and how they affect me is important. When I have an anxious thought I realize often it is not the outside world that is causing me anxiety, but the inner part of me. Here is a site that explains 444 and 44. https://www.biblestudy.org/bibleref/meaning-of-numbers-in-bible/444.html. Hang in there! Brad
Lowly one this Bradley D I have sent this message to you. I have a fear of God also. But fear of God in the Bible also means respect. My fear is wanting to do what I can to obey God's Word. I will always have to contend with the flesh. When I feel evil I turn to God and pray. When I have doubts I ask what would would God want me to do. I also have mental health and physical problems. For me knowing that I have these problems and how they affect me is important. When I have an anxious thought I realize often it is not the outside world that is causing me anxiety, but the inner part of me. Here is a site that explains 444 and 44. https://www.biblestudy.org/bibleref/meaning-of-numbers-in-bible/444.html. Hang in there! Brad
God's Truth
New member
No more OCD justification with the 444 information.
Bradley D
Well-known member
I really never heard of the number 444 44 in my studies. I just looked it up on google and shared it. What does OCD mean please.
God's Truth
New member
That site is not good. OCD is when a person does something or many things repeatedly because they fear something bad is going to happen to them or someone they love.
Bradley D
Well-known member
I see. Thank-you.
God's Truth
New member
Thank you, too.
It’s a very terrifying subject. All my life I was taught if you believe in Jesus u will be saved. All my life the anxiety and terror caused by the illness and drug reactions I’ve endured being home bound for 15 years just hoping and fearing to take my life from fear of hell. Never gotten to be close to people. My heart inside is numb from pain. Mind confused and tortured. Like God has sustained me and hates me as a vessel of destruction. I have through my flesh stopped willful sin that I know of. But it’s by the spirit that matters. I have a fear relationship. Prayed and cried out to God. Oh man guys.
God's Truth
New member
I think you are right about that. We can discuss on this thread then.
God's Truth
New member
Are you involved in any denomination?
Bradley D
Well-known member
Lowly one, Are you seeing a doctor?
I used to be Baptist. But I don’t like denominations anymore. Thousands of different ones. I would seek help from preachers at different churches and it was like I was a nuisance. It’s gotta be personal relationship and by the spirit. I believe in the gifts of the Holy Spirit. All that is in book of ACTS still happens today to those God gives it to. Or that are his children and he gives it to. casting out demons is real . This is one of many ministries showing the power of gods spirit is real. It’s as exciting as it gets.
https://youtu.be/kiuMcPeMFZ0
https://youtu.be/AWMpJs7X5QI
https://youtu.be/23WCXssIqcM
https://youtu.be/zka4DUYeJ5g
https://youtu.be/g8myYNAlW6U
https://youtu.be/KOCE--KFaVw
https://youtu.be/kiuMcPeMFZ0
https://youtu.be/AWMpJs7X5QI
https://youtu.be/23WCXssIqcM
https://youtu.be/zka4DUYeJ5g
https://youtu.be/g8myYNAlW6U
https://youtu.be/KOCE--KFaVw
As far as doctor, I was found to have adrenal burnout and high copper levels which causes chronic exhaustion and mental illness. But it’s so hard to get better from and expensive. No doctors to help. And then they treated my mental health with drugs that caused the reactions to why I felt suicidal. I at least never was suicidal until the untold side effects and damage from their drugs. Dr Lam the expert on adrenal fatigue writes on his website how people with what I was born with get adverse reactions cause their bodies are sick and can’t process right. So it’s felt like a helpless situation