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Thread: Bible Jokes

  1. #1
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    Bible Jokes

    This is serious business and there is no joke about it.

    But tension around here is kind of a little bitter among so many different kinds of believers who take scriptures and their believes to the death and heart.

    There is nothing wrong with this position. But we also have to remember that no matter what we believe in. We're all still one in the body of Christ. And we have to be very careful with the enemy. Because his best position and weapon is to divided and conquer.

    So I go first.

    Can you imagine Elijah naked? A hairy man with a leather girdle about his loins.

    Lol
    Abraham did not do such things.... (John 8:40)

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    Journeyman k0de's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by k0de View Post
    This is serious business and there is no joke about it.

    But tension around here is kind of a little bitter among so many different kinds of believers who take scriptures and their believes to the death and heart.

    There is nothing wrong with this position. But we also have to remember that no matter what we believe in. We're all still one in the body of Christ. And we have to be very careful with the enemy. Because his best position and weapon is to divided and conquer.

    So I go first.

    Can you imagine Elijah naked? A hairy man with a leather girdle about his loins.

    Lol
    Anyone..... Genesis 18:12-15

    So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, "After I am worn out and my lord is old, will I now have this pleasure?"Then the Lord said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh and say, 'Will I really have a child, now that I am old?' Is anything too hard for the Lord? I will return to you at the appointed time next year, and Sarah will have a son." Sarah was afraid, so she lied and said, "I did not laugh." But he said, "Yes, you did laugh."

    The Lord likes when we laugh. Can we laugh with the Lord? Cast your Bible Jokes....
    Abraham did not do such things.... (John 8:40)

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    Over 6000 post club Aimiel's Avatar
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    Jesus, Moses and a fat little bald guy are on the golf course. Jesus steps up and hits a long drive that lands right in the middle of the lake. When it's his turn, he walks out onto the water and hits the ball up onto the green. Moses, in turn hits from the middle of the fairway and as the ball heads towards the lake, he raises his club, the water parts and the ball rolls right across and up onto the green. The fat little bald guy hits from the tee and when he does: an eagle catches the ball in mid-air. As he's flying away with it, lightning strikes it and the ball drops right into the hole. Jesus says, "Dad, that's cheating!"
    "That man of sin must first be revealed." -- Jesus

    If you haven't tried: you've already failed. -- Aimiel

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    Over 6000 post club Aimiel's Avatar
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    A rabbi, a priest and an Imam walk into a bar. Bartender says, "What is this... some kinda' joke?"
    "That man of sin must first be revealed." -- Jesus

    If you haven't tried: you've already failed. -- Aimiel

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aimiel View Post
    A rabbi, a priest and an Imam walk into a bar. Bartender says, "What is this... some kinda' joke?"
    There were probably getting a glass of wine. Lol
    Abraham did not do such things.... (John 8:40)

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    Over 6000 post club Aimiel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by k0de View Post
    There were probably getting a glass of wine. Lol
    The rabbi ordered grape juice, the priest had several beers and the Imam had two bottles of whiskey.
    "That man of sin must first be revealed." -- Jesus

    If you haven't tried: you've already failed. -- Aimiel

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aimiel View Post
    The rabbi ordered grape juice, the priest had several beers and the had two bottles of whiskey.
    And then prophesied... Lol
    Abraham did not do such things.... (John 8:40)

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    As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?" One man stepped forward. "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray." "Good," said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short."

    "That man of sin must first be revealed." -- Jesus

    If you haven't tried: you've already failed. -- Aimiel

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aimiel View Post
    As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?" One man stepped forward. "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray." "Good," said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short."

    That to be Jonah and that's how he ended up in the belly of the fish. Lol
    Abraham did not do such things.... (John 8:40)

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    Jonah didn't want to go in the water because he thought something was fishy about it.

    "That man of sin must first be revealed." -- Jesus

    If you haven't tried: you've already failed. -- Aimiel

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aimiel View Post
    Jonah didn't want to go in the water because he thought something was fishy about it.

    Lol
    Abraham did not do such things.... (John 8:40)

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    Shortest man in Scripture: Nehemiah (knee-hi-miya).

    "That man of sin must first be revealed." -- Jesus

    If you haven't tried: you've already failed. -- Aimiel

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    ... or Bildad the Shuhite (shoe-height).
    "That man of sin must first be revealed." -- Jesus

    If you haven't tried: you've already failed. -- Aimiel

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    Jesus said, “Who do people say that I am?”

    And his disciples answered and said, “Some say you are John the Baptist returned from the dead; others say Elijah, or one of the prophets.

    And Jesus answered and said, “But who do you say that I am?”

    Peter answered and said, “Thou art the Logos, existing in the Father as His rationality and then, by an act of His will, being generated, in consideration of the various functions by which God is related to his creation, but only on the fact that Scripture speaks of a Father, and a Son, and a Holy Spirit, each member of the Trinity being coequal with every other member, and each acting inseparably with and interpenetrating every other member, with only an economic subordination within God, but causing no division which would make the substance no longer simple.”

    And Jesus answered and said, “What?”
    "That man of sin must first be revealed." -- Jesus

    If you haven't tried: you've already failed. -- Aimiel

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    Jesus and Moses are golfing.

    Jesus says, “Watch this drive. It’ll be just like Tiger Woods.” He hits the ball and it lands in the lake.

    Moses says, “I’ll get it.” He goes down to the lake, parts the water and retrieves the ball.

    “Okay,” Jesus says, “This time, it WILL be just like Tiger Woods.” He hits the ball and again, it lands in the lake. Moses goes down, parts the lake and retrieves the ball.

    “Third time is a charm,” Jesus says. “Watch, just like Tiger Woods.” And for the third time he hits the ball into the lake.

    Moses says, “This time, you can get it yourself!”

    As Jesus is down walking on the water looking for the ball, a crowd has formed. One guy says, “Who does he think he is, Jesus Christ?”

    “No,” Moses says. “That IS The Lord, He thinks he’s Tiger Woods.”
    "That man of sin must first be revealed." -- Jesus

    If you haven't tried: you've already failed. -- Aimiel

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