Discipline

So I haven't been around for awhile, but here goes.

Lets say you have a child, about 3 or 4, who when playing with his brothers and sisters, will constantly screams at his siblings to "stop?" Yet they won't, and he continues to scream and cry, and then the other children start to antagonize the toddler?

Have everyone else wear earmuffs.

It sounds like the little one is getting frustrated and overwhelmed. It can be hard for them at that age, to understand what they are feeling and what to do about it. In times like that, we have to be the ones to calm them and help them communicate what it is they want.

Is the child capable of saying more than "stop?" How well does this particular child understand conversation about social behavior?

If it is possible for the child to have a rational conversation with an adult about social behavior, then I'd recommend a private talk. In the talk I would find out everything I could about what was causing the child to shout "stop" - but it's likely a control issue at that age. It sounds like the child is the youngest in the group, so it is likely a feeling of being left out that is driving the demanding language. If at all possible the child should be led to voice the exact issue to you: "They never let me choose what we'll play" or whatever it is exactly.
Once the child can voice the problem beyond that single word, "stop," conversation can progress to appropriate social behavior including strategies for improving the situation. Go through scenarios with him, lead him in practicing what to say and how to say it to gain better success. If it is found that the child is powerless in spite of good effort, then the other children must be brought into a separate conversation about their social behavior - and it sure does sound like that will be needed.

If the child can't communicate properly, he won't be able to play well with others, and perhaps then the others ought to be chosen carefully for their willingness to accommodate this child (which would be necessary for certain forms of communication disabilities). But it doesn't sound like this is your problem.

Private talks and conversation modeling are a big help in our house

What were the other children doing that the toddler wanted them to stop? That's foremost in knowing how to approach this. And it should be dealt with before the other children start antagonizing the toddler.

Thunder's Muse, he does seem frustrated, thanks for that.

nicholsmom said:

Is the child capable of saying more than "stop?" How well does this particular child understand conversation about social behavior?

If it is possible for the child to have a rational conversation with an adult about social behavior, then I'd recommend a private talk. In the talk I would find out everything I could about what was causing the child to shout "stop" - but it's likely a control issue at that age. It sounds like the child is the youngest in the group, so it is likely a feeling of being left out that is driving the demanding language. If at all possible the child should be led to voice the exact issue to you: "They never let me choose what we'll play" or whatever it is exactly.
Once the child can voice the problem beyond that single word, "stop," conversation can progress to appropriate social behavior including strategies for improving the situation. Go through scenarios with him, lead him in practicing what to say and how to say it to gain better success. If it is found that the child is powerless in spite of good effort, then the other children must be brought into a separate conversation about their social behavior - and it sure does sound like that will be needed.

If the child can't communicate properly, he won't be able to play well with others, and perhaps then the others ought to be chosen carefully for their willingness to accommodate this child (which would be necessary for certain forms of communication disabilities). But it doesn't sound like this is your problem.

Private talks and conversation modeling are a big help in our house

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NicolesMom, he can speak, and fairly well, but whenever he's upset, and you try to talk to him, he keeps his head down, doesn't speak, or just squeaks, acts like he's in trouble or embarrassed when all we want is to have a conversation with him. He's pretty theatrical, so I feel like him not talking is sort of a show, but by the time he's willing to talk again, he's fine.

And Lighthouse, yes that is foremost is knowing how to deal with this issue, and it's already been looked into.

STOP!

Yorzhik said:

STOP!

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..... Like that....?

ShadowMaid said:

..... Like that....?

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STOP!

Yorzhik said:

STOP!

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ShadowMaid said:

..... Like that....?

Click to expand...

Yorzhik said:

STOP!

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Stop it you two! STOP IT I SAY! K:K:K:

Don't make me turn this forum around! I will. I will turn it right around and we'll just not go to grandma's house this year. :box: :box: :box:

This video seemed relevent.

Stop It! - Mad TV

I didn't mean to hijack the thread.

The thing to do... what I normally have to do, is ask the older kids what was the problem and when if I feel the 3 year old was unreasonable, I tell them to stop screaming and play nice. If I feel the older kids were too hard on the 3 year old I micromanage their playtime for the moment to show them how it should have been handled. If I cannot get a good idea of who was wrong, I just give a general warning that all kids need to play nice and when in public kids screaming is especially bad because it is rude to strangers, and also present company.

Yorzhik said:

I didn't mean to hijack the thread.

The thing to do... what I normally have to do, is ask the older kids what was the problem and when if I feel the 3 year old was unreasonable, I tell them to stop screaming and play nice. If I feel the older kids were too hard on the 3 year old I micromanage their playtime for the moment to show them how it should have been handled. If I cannot get a good idea of who was wrong, I just give a general warning that all kids need to play nice and when in public kids screaming is especially bad because it is rude to strangers, and also present company.

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So do you think he'll grow out of it? Because this shows a lot of his character, and I don't want him to grow up impatient, short tempered, and frustrated.....

ShadowMaid said:

So do you think he'll grow out of it? Because this shows a lot of his character, and I don't want him to grow up impatient, short tempered, and frustrated.....

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He's 3..still a baby, really

I'm sure he'll be fine

Besides, this could be an indication that he simply won't let others walk all over him...which is actually a good thing

I'm sure you are doing a wonderful job, SM

Thunder's Muse said:

He's 3..still a baby, really

I'm sure he'll be fine

Besides, this could be an indication that he simply won't let others walk all over him...which is actually a good thing

I'm sure you are doing a wonderful job, SM

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Haha, well he's not technically mine. He's my Dads, which makes him my brother.... But I do already have the worrying part down without my own!

ShadowMaid said:

Haha, well he's not technically mine. He's my Dads, which makes him my brother.... But I do already have the worrying part down without my own!

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LOL! Sorry... I thought he was yours

You sound like a 1st class Big Sis...he's very lucky to have you

Thunder's Muse said:

LOL! Sorry... I thought he was yours

You sound like a 1st class Big Sis...he's very lucky to have you

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Yeah, wait until you see his other big sis! (And she's my big sis too!) :thumb:

ShadowMaid said:

So do you think he'll grow out of it? Because this shows a lot of his character, and I don't want him to grow up impatient, short tempered, and frustrated.....

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Also remember it is possible it may be beyond his control. At that age they usually don't understand a lot anyway, but other factors could make that worse, and would last the rest of his life. Not necessarily the case here, but since this is a public thread I want to be helpful to all who are reading.

I bring this up because I know a little about it. Of course, the person of whom I speak was an only child until he was three, and even then he was past toddler age by the time he could play with his siblings. So there weren't really too many signs anything was different. And even when someone insisted on testing based on the false idea he wasn't smart nothing was revealed. He was more than capable of doing his school work, and did not appear to suffer from ADD, or any similar disorder. In fact, he was very much beyond expectations for his age and grade level in many areas. However, as an adult, someone suggested he might have Asperger's, a mild form of autism. And after reading up on it he began to suspect this might be the case. He was tested and and was diagnosed. He is very mild, but nonetheless he still has issues.

Not to say your brother is autistic. If he was I'm sure you would have been able to tell something was different by now. But there could be any number of things that could cause a child to be impatient, short tempered and frustrated, and these would not be character issues, but simply symptoms of an inability to process his surroundings as most do.

But that's what frustration is; mostly, things not going the way we want, or expect them to. And some people have conditions where they are incapable of just letting other people have their way. Of course, they mostly get frustrated with themselves more than others.

ShadowMaid said:

So do you think he'll grow out of it? Because this shows a lot of his character, and I don't want him to grow up impatient, short tempered, and frustrated.....

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I'm not sure he'll grow out of the character he is developing, but he'll grow out of expressing it with his current scream tactic.

I'll have to tell you about his episode with not listening to me which just happened a couple days ago. He beat your big sister's record.

Yorzhik said:

I'm not sure he'll grow out of the character he is developing, but he'll grow out of expressing it with his current scream tactic.

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I hope he'll just learn that his current character isn't fulfilling.... because I know someone who is an impatient, short tempered and frustrated. And this leads that person to be pretty selfish... and I simply feel sorry for this person, and frustrated myself because they can't see their self-destructive behavior... this person is also beyond parental molding, yet I've wanted to swing this person over my lap many times and give them a thorough rude awakening.

I don't want to see my little brother growing up with this type of self destructive seed that I see in another person so closely. I know he isn't beyond reform... after all, he's still 3.

I guess I'm freaking out because despite his training, he still uses the scream tactic.... and he's been perfecting it since he first realized screaming gets his way.

I'll have to tell you about his episode with not listening to me which just happened a couple days ago. He beat your big sister's record.

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..... Yikes.... Did you ever believe you would get a more stubborn child? :shocked: